If you're ever forced to move into the South, I think you might like Charleston. It's unbelievably warm and humid, but as a result all the women wear lovely sundresses and hats and carry fans, so it's rather charming.

Also, I have never eaten so well in my life, outside of Italy. This is a town that loves food and does it well (and this is coming from someone who doesn't care much for traditional Southern cooking, despite having grown up amongst it).

As for your first paragraph, you deserve persimmon gelato for your self-restraint.