rant of the month.

[gfrancie]

There has something that has been tumbling about in my head for awhile. I may end up offending some people but that isn't my intention but it is in regards to girls, ideas about gender identity and frilly dresses.

I was reading a blog the other day that is mostly about Motherhood and so on and the woman who writes the blog was speaking with pride about how her daughter doesn't have an interest in dresses and how she is dressed in jeans and t-shirts and isn't interested in dolls. There was this implication that somehow her daughter was some how better or "stronger" because she wasn't keen on "traditional" interests and wasn't a girly girl. I have also read blogs and heard some women speak with a sense of disdain when their daughter is into wearing frilly dresses, playing with dolls and spending a good portion of their time pretending to be princesses and all those traditional things.

It bothers me for many reasons.


I think if a little girl doesn't hold an interest in dresses, barbies, playing "house" and so on -that is fine. Every person from the beginning has their interests, grand passions and what is comfortable and familiar to them. But I do worry a great deal when a parent attempts to project certain ideas upon a child early on. If a little girl adores dressing up in a purple dress with plenty of lace and has on-going tea party with her dolls -then let her be. She isn't weak, she won't lack a backbone, she won't always rely on her looks to get by and be some co-dependent individual who is prone to marrying men who don't respect them and end up addicted to valium and reading badly written novels.


I was a little girl who loved her dresses and hair ribbons. I had plenty of dolls and a tea set. I took ballet and art lessons and so on. I am still kind of like that. I love the color pink, I wear a lot of skirts and one I suppose could describe me as a "girly-girl". (a term that seems offensive to the girl who doesn't hold my interests because they are just as much a girl as I am)
But don't doubt my sense of strength or what I can do. When I was a kid my favorite books were about bad-ass women in history, many of my friends were boys, I loved playing army and if need be I could kick the crap out of someone all while wearing a pink dress with flowers.
As an adult I like to wear high heels, bake cakes and I stay at home with my kid but I know how to sail and kayak. I can talk about Hobbes, Kate Chopin and George Eliot. I can survive out in the woods if I have to and I can still kick the crap out of someone in my pink dress.

It's as if there is a supposed sliding scale of strength/intelligence and the feminine that isn't allowed to be intertwined and some things are more superior or more respected by some. It seems a little antiquated to put everyone into such narrow definitions. It is also offensive to all women in general to say one identity is better than the other. The little girl who digs jeans and baseball is just as feminine as the one who wants to live in a castle with her ponies.

Comments

[artemis-moon.livejournal.com]

Funny enough, we started out trying to let Rowan find her own image to see if she would "choose" what she liked. She wore her brother's used Spiderman tees for years and always fondled the pink items in the girls department. When she was in Kindergarten she wanted dresses and tights. When she was in second grade she wanted a Barbie which made us realize we needed to try to buy Barbies which looked more like real people. We settled on buying Brunettes since there weren't alternative Barbies. She played with the blondes anyways.

In fourth and fifth grade she only wore dresses and sandals. She started to put her hair up and wanted lip gloss. We told her she was pretty in anything and let her wear pink and dresses to school, even though every girl was sporty and wearing jeans!

Now she is the girliest person I know. She adores having jewelry on and her nails done. She isn't allowed to buy skimpy things just because women on magazines wear them...we still have many rules. She also cannot wear full makeup or date. She is only 12 after all.

But allowing her to express who she is, a girly-girl at heart makes her happy.
And her fave books are about heroines. She admires famous writers, teachers, singers and actors, and history makers. She has her own mind (as you have read about in my LJ) and her own thoughts about religion. She knows about girls and image because we talk about it all the time.

I like my strong, independent girlie girl and I also liked her when she was a tomboy.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I never developed weird self-esteem issues from my Barbies. The self-image problems came from other sources. I always found Barbie just... fun and entertaining. I think that is what most girls find.

It sounds like Rowan is just as you said, strong, independent and fierce. Which are qualities everyone needs to survive.