gfrancie | and that's another thing.

and that's another thing.

It is the same old same old. I have much to say but it is incredibly difficult to find a way to lay it all out. Swirling mind but no organization.
So instead I cook. I cook because I can accomplish something and there is order. It can make me feel satisfied at the end of the day when everything else disappoints or exhausts me.
Yesterday afternoon I baked a yellow butter cake and put a french silk frosting on top. I admit the cake is sort of boring in flavor. I kept thinking as it was baking that I should have added some sort of spice, extract or something... A good base cake. I think maybe next time I should figure out a way to add blood oranges.
This afternoon I have made a sausage and mushroom quiche with gruyere and chevre. With that I will serve sauteed leeks and apples with thyme and some sort of starch. Probably potatoes.
Yesterday I grilled sausages and mushrooms and served that with herbed polenta and a spinach salad with dried fruit and pine nuts.
I also read and listen to the radio. So for now I sort of inhale ideas and then someday I will be able to say something.
Maybe.

Yesterday was one of those truly exhausting/frustrating days as a parent. I do want to say that while being a parent can be incredibly satisfying, exciting and entertaining; it can be mind-numbingly dull, irritating and just plain no fun at all.
To anyone who is thinking about having children in the future I will say this, sure you might know how to take care of a small human being but it is soooooooooo emotionally exhausting. Nothing can really ever prepare you for that. Even if you have an easy one on your hands. Sure they aren't mobile at this point but they take all of the time. It is their business to be selfish. And a fair portion of the time you have to set aside your needs for theirs. If you have a real problem with "going with the flow" and giving up control -it can be even more difficult. You have to ride out the daily banal chaos. Think about this. I am not trying to tell people "don't have babies" but think long and fucking hard about this.
Don't expect it to make your relationship with your partner super awesome. (because for many couples it can put some new exciting stresses on things) Don't expect it to make you a better person.
Babies aren't some kind of self-help project like taking pilates or doing kabbalah.
It is this constantly crazy balancing act. You have to maintain some shreds of your sanity so that you can be a parent but at the same time you ignore a lot of your old routine so you can make sure this small wiggly person is attended to.
Early on you are lucky if you can get out of your pajamas. So if you think "oh hey I will write that book while I am at home with little Methuselah or wee Ingeborge" or some other batch of crazy -good luck.
If this scares the crap out of you? Stick with cats. or Sea monkeys.

Alex has discovered the extreme hilarity that is peek-a-boo. Comedy Gold in his world. As is "let's pull Mummy's lips off."
Alex was given this little stuffed hippo that is chartreuse (the only appropriate description of the color of the hippo) and has pink eyes. Kind of a psychedelic hippo. I named him Frank after Frank Zappa. Frank doesn't make scary noises so he stays. Unlike the evil lion.

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i should have stuck with Sea Monkeys.......... Of course I never intended to be stuck being a single parent so often!

Hmmm...sea monkeys. 'Cause cats, at least mine, require butt-cleaning, feeding, greeding, and feather-playing on a rather distressingly regular basis. I always think of kids as cats times two hundred. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it all without losing my (fragile) cool, but I know enough to plan not to have anything pressing to do (like renovate a house, finish my PhD) at the same time. Hopefully.

I've already thought long and hard about the baby thing and that's one of the top reasons why I'm glad that I didn't just go "oh well" and have one with my ex.
Sometimes I actually do listen to my inner voice(s)!

If I coulda had a nickel for every one of my fellow students who said "I'll have a baby dissertation year, because I'll have all that free time to research and write!"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Suckaz!

Think about this. I am not trying to tell people "don't have babies" but think long and fucking hard about this.

Damn straight. I would go so far as to say "try not to make any new people unless you strongly feel you would be unhappy if you didn't."

Because if you gots problems, throwing an infant into the mix ain't gonna solve 'em.

When I was younger I always just *assumed* I would have kids. When I turned 30, in fact.
Now: I am scared shitless by it. I.Hate.Change.
Even getting a puppy was traumatic. I cried for a week because it was so hard. It is still difficult at times...but I get enjoyment from my pup as well.
I fear:
-being a working mom(trying to be a good mummy and a career woman)
-being tired all the time
-losing my self
-ruining the great relationship I have with my partner
-losing my freedom
-ruining a child
-being a bad mom
-taking an infant to England
-stretchmarks ;)

You seem to have struck a nice balance. Granted, this is an outsider speaking. I know some days are harder than others.

Funny. Now that my kids are older (and still need lots of attention it seems as "teens," I am spending a lot of time in pajamas. Was this a subconscious move on my part?

I am so impressed that you are able to cook with a wiggly one on hand. I still find it difficult to get dinner together. Seriously, you're getting dressed everyday, entertaining IL's and cooking fab meals. And remaining sane. You are doing really really well.

I bought 3 red-oranda fish in Prague.

Within one week I was crying because all the cleaning and fuss (no-one told me there was anti-algae treatments) had reduced me to sitting and staring at the tank numbly - therefore I was a bad mother.

I was a bad mother to three fish. Of course they got to know me and I loved them dearly, once I found the anti-algae treatment, that is. But there's no anti-poop-cry-yell device for children. All hope was lost when I spoke to my Dad recently and said children should be born with volume control.

I feel guilty now, as I am sure I would be heinous parent material LOL- But you rock, even on the bad days - so huge amounts of kudos to you!

Well said, Mrs. Jenner. I second that emotion.

I wish I could copy this into an email for all the young women in my office.

really? my babies were no trouble at all.

I have three children. Boys. 6, 4 1/2, amd 1 1/2. I was 19 when I had my first. I finished school, I know have a teaching degree and a pyschology degree. I intened on using both when the baby is in school. We run a business, and my husband works full time. I home school my middle he's on a first grade level. I also run my house, cook meals (though not as eleborate as yours) and do all of that that comes with it. We go to the YMCA daily, play group two times a week, mom to mom once a week, karate, the gym for me, church on sunday. Of course there are the occassional days that are a bit exhausting, but only physically because I'm always going. I can say that if you always give your needs for theirs, that won't be good. There is a balance, it just needs to be found. For me personally, I can't ever say I ever had a day that I felt like telling people that having kids was a million times the work of a few cats. But maybe that's me.

Very, very well said.

Don't expect it to make your relationship with your partner super awesome.

I'd go further--if your relationship with your partner isn't excellent to begin with you're in trouble. Having a baby is like having an affair: You're bringing in an extremely troublesome and disruptive third person--a person who will make physical and emotional intimacy with your partner very difficult for a long time.

"So instead I cook. I cook because I can accomplish something and there is order. It can make me feel satisfied at the end of the day when everything else disappoints or exhausts me."

I understand *completely*. Hang in there!

i know you speak the truth. i am amazed at how many people have babies. truly. i was a nanny for years and though it wasn't my kid (i know it's different if it's your kid) and the day to day grind was so tedious and mind-numbing. it's really amazing human children live considering how much care they need and for how long...

the world is bursting with overpopulation. i wish more people would consider not procreating. unfortunately, not going to happen.

it's good you have an outlet and a good support system. i know i would have walked out and started a new life somewhere else by now. there is something to be said about my life - i enjoy living alone and untethered.

*big hug*

What is fascinating to me is that just about every person who produces offspring at some point finds themself making the same monologue as you just did. It is part of the process, I think, pointing to all that baby stuff and saying "like wow this actually kind of sucks and it is a shitload of work but look how I am doing it anyway." Naming your enemy or something.

Also: You cannot compare pets and children.

I helped get my kid through infancy and toddlerhood. It was by far the hardest thing I've ever done. Having done it, I now know I can do anything.

erm... I am writing a book. I won't say it's being written fast, but it is getting done. But then I think I didn't start it until Cosmicbaby was a little older than yours is now... And I don't do half as much cooking as you (I haven't cooked anything that required more than about 20 mins work since #2 was born). But for me the writing is a link to sanity like the cooking is to you.

There's carefuly thinking things over and preparing yourself, then there's living it. Raising a child is like skydiving, or sex - we can talk about it/visualize it until we're blue in the face, but until you leap out of that plane, or leap into that bed, you have no idea what you're talking about. I was in love with my daughter the moment I saw the doctor pull her out of my wife's abdomen, but I knew within weeks she would be an only child. Just don't have the patience/energy for another one. I thought seriously about giving her a sibling once in the last 9 years - only once. To put it another way: I became a father once. I've gone skydiving twice, and would go again in a heartbeat (polite society dictates we not talk about how much sex I've had). The stress of parenting makes jumping out of airplanes look like a day at the spa.

And I second the notion that one cannot compare pets to kids. It's all subjective, sure, but the attention and energy I've had to give our cats over the last 17 years is maybe 2% of that required by the daughter in the last 9. And that's a generous estimate.

I think I have a blood orange cake recipe somewhere, if you want it.

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ec-freakin-zatcly

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