Books are awesome and so is a little meditation upon the soul.

I am about half-way through my pile of books.
This means I need more books. Does the world understand this? I hope so. I think I may have to go on a bender at Powell's or something. Many books. Some for Alex. Some more me. Some for the bunnies. Everyone gets something.
I am finishing a cozy murder mystery by Donna Andrews. They are kind of fluffy but very pleasant. Who knew murder could be so comforting.
You know who else loves reading? Simon LeBon of Duran Duran. He has a bookclub and reads all kinds of things and reviews them. Some old. Some new. A personal favorite is when he reviews, 'The DaVinci Code'. He wasn't impressed to say the least.


Last night I had loosely composed an epic post in my head. I think I have abandoned that. I suppose I could pare it all down to some loose meanderings on the subject of forgiveness and finding contentment in one's life. epiphany and I have had a few conversations on the subject after both having watched the documentary, Forgiving Dr. Mengele. It is about Eva Mozes Kor who was a Jewish twin who survived the camps. (along with her sister) She and her twin were put through these horrifying tests, they lost nearly everyone in their family and her sister in particular suffered from a lot of chronic medical conditions related to the tests that were done on them as children. (they have never been able to find out what exactly was done or given to them) She goes on to live a whole other life after the camps. Marries, has children, lives a really varied and interesting life. She decides to forgive the Nazis for what they did to her and everyone. It creates an immense amount of anger and controversy from different people. It is such an interesting movie and it really does bring up the whole idea of forgiveness and what it means to different people, cultures and the very definition of the subject.
I bring this up because I sometimes think some people seem to enjoy wallowing in their misery. I have my own demons, my own trauma and so on. (some of which is pretty horrid in its own right) But I also came to a point when I realized I was letting other people (who may have hurt me) define my very being. I was letting them still control my life, reactions and direction even after they were not able to do so or were even present. I made a conscious decision that I was going to forgive that person(s) and let go a lot of the hurt, anger and pain that I carried with me. It isn't a one off. It is a constant act. Some days I am more forgiving than others. But I have let go of so much pain. I can still think what someone might have done was wrong and awful but I am choosing to say, "you don't have that power." And they don't. They don't have that power. The amazing thing was that I began to feel much lighter (in spirit) and I was able to begin to see that as a human I was alright.
I wish I could truly explain this to someone I know. They are filled with such a sense of doom and they carry so much intense anger that I don't think they could really hear what I am saying. I watch this person sabotage any attempts at personal happiness, harping on about someone else not being the person they should have been and I want to say, "you can't change that. It is a lousy deal when a parent isn't the parent they should be but you really have to find peace with that; because the path you are on is just going to lead to bitter loneliness." They seem to keep setting up these expectations upon others for the express purpose of disappointment. It is really sad to watch. I just hope that one day this person realizes what they are doing.