An Exercise in Futility

This afternoon, while I was hiding from work and feeling sorry for myself because of a worsening headache, angelofthenorth asked me "So how was The Moonwalkers?"

I then talked for like fifteen minutes without stopping.

Oops.

I figured she'd have read D's entry about this from last night -- she's good like that -- so ( I started with the accessibility stuff: )

But this wasn't a huge problem, I was busy being excited about space.

"For 45 minutes I forgot about the world's problems," D said. I love that!

I...did not.

One of the Artemis II astronauts who was interviewed for this movie said something about Apollo being "ahead of its time" and immediately I was grumpily thinking no it's not! we're behind ours! JFK referencing the Wright Brothers made me ponder that it was about sixty years from them to the moonwalks, and it's been another sixty years since! What do we have to show for ourselves? (Lots of other things, I know, but no one's even left Earth orbit! Yes the ISS is cool but it's reaching the end of its lifetime, and it's still Soyuz ferrying people to and from! The splashdowns look beautiful and poetic at the end of a movie like this but where are our goddam spaceplanes?!)

Basically, everything I have to say about that I said in 2011 when the only thing more modern than Soyuz ceased operation and in 2012 when Neil Armstrong died.

But since I couldn't just link angelofthenorth to things in a real-life conversation, I had to attempt to re-create those thoughts and everything that links into them: my waning interest in "space" as the 2010s went on and SpaceX got increasingly dull (to me, I am not a rocket man) and -- even before it became so tainted by its association with Elon Musk -- depressing as a symbol of yet another thing being left to private whims which I believe is a public good. The only thing about these old entries that I wince to read tonight is my optimism and naïveté, but while I'm sad for my younger self I'm not ashamed of having those things.

Anyway. Like I said I probably talked for fifteen entire minutes without a break. I wasn't even self-conscious about it, until the end.

Luckily (?) angelofthenorth said it was cute, and endearing.

It was my turn to select a book club book, after the very good and very extensively researched literary fiction which was also very long so we didn't actually have a meeting to chat about it until well in to December.

And at said meeting, C and I got talking about Alexander Skarsgård for some reason, and she asked me if I'd seen the Murderbot TV show so I said I liked it okay but not as much as I liked the books. She said she hadn't read them, and I was like oh you really should try, I'd love to know what you think of them. And when S said she hadn't read them either, I said "Okay, that's it, I've got my book sorted, I'm gonna make you all read the first Murderbot book."

After the great but lengthy book we'd read (There are Rivers in the Sky; I really recommend it!), and over the break, I thought something quick and light would be good and the first "book," like the next few, is only about four hours long in audio form. So when someone asked if it was worth buying them all at once I explained this, and also emphasized that while I'm not the only audiobook-preferrer in our club, I'd recommend it for this because I think Kevin R. Free adds a lot to the stories -- having originally read them in audio myself, I can't imagine the books, or Murderbot, without him (I thought Mr. Skarsgård did a passable job at sounding right, for this reason).

Now we're back at work, some people like S haven't finished that first one, but C is on to Book 6 -- which I haven't even read yet, heh. I'm delighted to have introduced her to something she loves. (She agrees with me about the narrator, saying he's "great -- I do find myself saying 'stupid humans' quite a lot at the moment.") She said

It has been great company, in particular listening to it during the early hours of Christmas morning, waiting for the perfect opportunity when both of my darling children were actually asleep so I could deliver their stockings, stop pretending to be Santa, and get some sleep myself!

This image made me grin so much.

Today I got to visit a dear friend I hadn't really spoken to in six months. A lot has happened, to both of us. It was great to catch up, but also exhausting, to try to take all that in and explain what's been kind of a slog of a time at work particularly.

I left just in time to walk Teddy...or so I thought. D kindly came to pick me up because I'd lost track of time a bit and it was getting a little late. But when we got to his house, it was quiet and there was no answer. Turns out it was a misunderstanding and they were there, but maybe it wasn't so bad that I didn't have to spend half an hour being dragged around by a labradoodle.

I made dinner, just pasta and sauce but I was glad to use up some of the vegetables that need using. Weird to do it myself, without D, but I'm glad I could give him a break on a rough day.

Then, because a transgym person is coming around tomorrow to pick up the weight bench I inherited from another Misfit and don't use any more -- it was incredibly useful while I was still actively recovering from my broken ankle, but now I can walk to the gym and that gives me a lot more and better options. I'm so excited to have some space back in the room where I work (even if it's also taken up with protest paraphernalia for now, the trestle table, tea urn and related supplies we take with us).

The minute, the very minute, I flipped down on the couch after I finished wrestling with wrenches, contemplating a beer, I got an email from my mom saying they were ready to talk. I hadn't been expecting to hear from them today and still don't know if I forgot her saying they'd call on New Year's Day or if she forgot to tell me, but it worked out. I had a surprisingly pleasant and coherent conversation with them.

And then I had a beer.

And now it's bed time.

I had a fun afternoon going in to town with angelofthenorth, who wanted to visit an art gallery and a catering supply store. It's so wonderful to watch her get excited about having her own place. At a contemplative time of year anyway, and around the five-year mark of my unfortunately-timed ending my own marriage, our lives continue to parallel each other in so many ways. She is her own person of course but I can't help but think of my own story at times like this, and it makes me very grateful for what has improved for me in the last five years, even as the wider world has left so much to be desired.

Akso I bought a much-needed can opener for our house too, and if I can join her on her sojourn to John Lewis to look at kitchen knives, I might well end up getting us a set too.

Tomorrow the plan is either to go to Buxton and have fun or to go to the Trafford Centre (big mall, probably the most USian-feeling place I've encountered here) for John Lewis (which is a department store).

I've had a week and a day off and I have slept so much!!

Despite last night itself not being great for sleep, I am starting to wonder if I have actually caught up on sleep.

Because a strange feeling has overcome me this evening and I think it's...boredom? I am used to keeping myself busy after dinner doing chores, reading, or just trying not to go to sleep until bedtime.

But now I've done enough stuff for the day -- went to the gym with angelofthenorth, had a shower, fetched the now-empty recycling bin and put it back where it belongs, walked Teddy, put groceries away when they arrived -- and I'm not that tired.

Is...is this when people do hobbies??

I enjoyed the last week or so of various celebratory meals and seeing people and getting/giving gifts.

But it's so exciting to have a normal day now.

One of the recycling bins will be emptied tomorrow!

I can go to the gym for the first time in two weeks! (I didn't, I was too tired (I keep forgetting to eat! I don't get hungry but I get exhausted!) but I can look forward to it tomorrow.)

We walking Teddy again today! (They've had visitors and others who asked to do it over the holiday, he is that much of a treat to walk.) All three of us could join it today, which was really nice; D got a cute selfie of us all and everything.

I can get a delivery slot for groceries again! (Tesco will bring us stuff tomorrow afternoon!)

Most importantly, normal stuff is happening but I am still off work. I am so tired I'm still sleeping a lot and tired all day.