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wishing for praxis and books
Jun. 18th, 2009 11:55 amI am not sure what I am experiencing at the moment. Sometimes I feel a little bit like animals that are a little unhappy/nervous in certain zoo exhibits who spend their time pacing. I suspect it is just the nature of waiting and a little bit of stasis. I want to do a number of things but I can't for various reasons. I try and distract myself with all kinds of inane projects or thoughts but really it is just to keep me from going bananas. I feel rather irritated with the world as of late. And really even my existence annoys the crap out of me. So I try and refrain from starting things with people, get on with the business of living and remember that all of this is temporary.
I wouldn't categorize this as depression because I know what that bothersome monster is like (all too well) it is just the boring reality of the last trimester of pregnancy.
I have been reading Suite Francaise but it is sort of slow-going for me. I find most of the characters to be assholes or unsympathetic wankers of one kind or another. Maybe the nature of war makes them the way they are. So I pick up the book and read for awhile and then go, "yeah...nothing but assholes." Then I read other books that pass by more quickly.
I got a copy of French Milk by Lucy Knisley. You can read her lj too if you are so inclined. It is a travel journal of the five/six weeks she spent one winter with her Mother. She turned 22, her Mother turned 50. It is mostly them eating, going to museums, shopping and her various thoughts. I like her drawing style (made me think a bit of Lynda Barry at times) and while it isn't terribly deep and there are moments where I went, "come on buck up you are 22, life is grand." (but I can say that as someone who isn't 22 anymore and had a pretty decent time being 22 I should add) I liked it a lot. I liked her dorky moments and he descriptions of what they ate. It mostly made me miss Paris. I ended up having very strange and entertaining dreams about Paris all night long as I read the book before bed. Thank you Lucy Knisley for that.
Getting engaged there was significant and all that but even if I hadn't it was just a damn good time with Mr. Jenner. We travel well together and we enjoyed seeing things and eating. There was plenty we didn't see but we will one day. I liked just wandering around the streets and seeing unusual and different sights. Knisley mentioned the bird/animal market (Marché aux Oiseaux) on Île de la Cité and I remember seeing that. It was one of those comforting, "Oh hey I know what you are talking about." moments. I liked seeing all the brightly colored birds and the bunnies! That was our first full day in Paris. We just set out and began to walk along the Seine to see what there was. It was equal parts relaxing and disorienting because some of the things you see are like stuff out of movies. So it becomes like a dream that turns technicolor and has the added benefit of smellovision or something.
Reading the book I announced to Mr. Jenner who was likely half-asleep and is usually agreeable to most things then, (I have essentially earned myself a future stableful of ponies this way) that we needed to go back to France. "We have to go. We will just drag the kids with us. They won't mind. Give them bread and the occasional ice cream and they are happy." (okay so there is the vicious reality of you know...flying on a plane with small children.) So yeah. I want to go back to Paris and other parts of France. I have to finish eating.
I made a rocky road sauce to pour over ice cream last night. Thank you Jane & Michael Stern for the recipe. I lacked cocoa so I couldn't make their hot fudge recipe. But I did have chocolate, sour cream and marshmallows. Happiness is mine. I almost ate two bowls of the stuff but I held back. It probably would have given me vicious heartburn and I am already on edge.
I wouldn't categorize this as depression because I know what that bothersome monster is like (all too well) it is just the boring reality of the last trimester of pregnancy.
I have been reading Suite Francaise but it is sort of slow-going for me. I find most of the characters to be assholes or unsympathetic wankers of one kind or another. Maybe the nature of war makes them the way they are. So I pick up the book and read for awhile and then go, "yeah...nothing but assholes." Then I read other books that pass by more quickly.
I got a copy of French Milk by Lucy Knisley. You can read her lj too if you are so inclined. It is a travel journal of the five/six weeks she spent one winter with her Mother. She turned 22, her Mother turned 50. It is mostly them eating, going to museums, shopping and her various thoughts. I like her drawing style (made me think a bit of Lynda Barry at times) and while it isn't terribly deep and there are moments where I went, "come on buck up you are 22, life is grand." (but I can say that as someone who isn't 22 anymore and had a pretty decent time being 22 I should add) I liked it a lot. I liked her dorky moments and he descriptions of what they ate. It mostly made me miss Paris. I ended up having very strange and entertaining dreams about Paris all night long as I read the book before bed. Thank you Lucy Knisley for that.
Getting engaged there was significant and all that but even if I hadn't it was just a damn good time with Mr. Jenner. We travel well together and we enjoyed seeing things and eating. There was plenty we didn't see but we will one day. I liked just wandering around the streets and seeing unusual and different sights. Knisley mentioned the bird/animal market (Marché aux Oiseaux) on Île de la Cité and I remember seeing that. It was one of those comforting, "Oh hey I know what you are talking about." moments. I liked seeing all the brightly colored birds and the bunnies! That was our first full day in Paris. We just set out and began to walk along the Seine to see what there was. It was equal parts relaxing and disorienting because some of the things you see are like stuff out of movies. So it becomes like a dream that turns technicolor and has the added benefit of smellovision or something.
Reading the book I announced to Mr. Jenner who was likely half-asleep and is usually agreeable to most things then, (I have essentially earned myself a future stableful of ponies this way) that we needed to go back to France. "We have to go. We will just drag the kids with us. They won't mind. Give them bread and the occasional ice cream and they are happy." (okay so there is the vicious reality of you know...flying on a plane with small children.) So yeah. I want to go back to Paris and other parts of France. I have to finish eating.
I made a rocky road sauce to pour over ice cream last night. Thank you Jane & Michael Stern for the recipe. I lacked cocoa so I couldn't make their hot fudge recipe. But I did have chocolate, sour cream and marshmallows. Happiness is mine. I almost ate two bowls of the stuff but I held back. It probably would have given me vicious heartburn and I am already on edge.
