a battle? okay what should we call it? Well it IS in Britain

Dunkirk has happened. The city is teeming with assorted refugees from mainland Europe who have managed to make it across the channel. The country is hosting multiple heads of state and governments. It is a party. The battle of Britain began the summer of 1940 and THEN? In July, the government began to ration tea. That is when you just say, "We've retreated, the Luftwaffe is dropping by for unwelcome visits like some awful family member and now the tea? Fuck it. Just fuck it." And you laugh. And use those tea leaves a few more times than usual. The universal feeling was to find every damn thing hilarious. In the book, a woman writes to a friend in America and spoke of everyone laughing at every little thing and that there isn't much else that they can do. She says that once the war is over, she will only laugh at the most dry and subtle things. It's good to have something to hold onto. Fatalistic humor is what keeps the human race going some days. That and hot forbidden sex. But that is another conversation.

Germany pretty much controlled western Europe by this point and while Hitler was officially pals with Russia, he was kinda sorta planning to invade them at some point but he had to figure things out with Britain. Little aside here but the day Germany invaded France was the same day that Winston Churchill became prime minister. Imagine waking up to that reality. "Oh hey old grumpy Victorian politician, we are waist deep in political shit and this war. Good luck with all of that." He probably did the only thing a person does at a time like that; pour a lage gin, march it past the bottle of vermouth, (there by making it a martini) and make some plans. Plans that might not work but some plans.
Hitler tried one last time to work out some kind of peace deal with England and England still said, "fuck you and your weird ideas about racial purity." Well actually there was Lord Halifax who wanted to try and make a deal but Churchill who knew a thing or two about being a dick said, "That's a LOUSY idea. Have you met Hitler? (and Halifax had met Hitler and was part of the whole mess with Czechoslovakia ) Because that short failed artist will change the terms if he wakes up feeling weird... or just plain wants to invade and take over. Things are going to pieces. Norway is barely holding on, Most of Europe has been eaten up by this pissy Austrian and you want to make friends? I... I need a drink." And by winning over everyone and making a damn good point, he saved Britain from the Nazis. To which he replied, "you're welcome. Now leave me alone. I want to paint and drink."

Hitler put the whole "gonna show a few hundred years of history what's what" Soviet invasion plan on the shelf (history laughs at Hitler and says, "yeah that ain't happening") and focused on England. Germany's navy was kind of screwed after being in battle with the Norwegians because someone forgot that they were going up against some frickin' vikings. The Norwegians thrive when on the water. Even the head of the navy told Hitler, "This isn't happening unless you own the air." He knew the Royal Navy (despite taking a beating at first) had destroyers, and ships. The Royal navy is what made dominion over much of the world possible. (that and the smarts to feed their sailors lemons. No scurvy. ALL THE LAND.)
So the battle of Britain began. England with their super amazing Spitfires and Germany with their equally pretty awesome Messerschmitts. (and the assorted bombers) If you ever want to see a nifty movie about this, watch "The Battle of Britain". (I KNOW what a great name) It has every damn actor in it. Laurence Olivier, Michael Redgrave, Edward Fox, Captain Von Sexy Pants, and Michael "She was only fifteen years old." Caine. My only quibble is that all the women in that movie have late sixties hair. It is like whoever was in charge of hair/costumes had never seen a copy of Life Magazine or something. But whatever. That is a history nerd thing. But the flying in that movie is pretty fantastic. Plus it shows how crazy the pilots were. Initially the Germans were bombing airfields and radar stations. But that didn't work because BAM those fuckers had their radar stations working again within a few hours. The general theme for the Germans was to keep moving around to different targets. It was like they were at a buffet but they filled up on too much bread or something and then forgot about the dessert table but it was too late because the heartburn was coming for them. I... I have no idea where I went with that analogy. They would focus on airfields for awhile. Then they would do factories and assorted war-related industries but they never really concentrated on bombing the life out of one thing. ADD war tactics or something. Yes. Better analogy.
While the English was slightly stunned at first, they got their act together. There was definitely an advantage despite being on the defensive. If a pilot was shot down (and survived without too many injuries) they could hop back into another plane and continue fighting. While the Germans had to fly ALL THE WAY over to England to bomb (and there was a limits on how long they could bomb because of fuel) and if they were shot down, well they were out of the game for the rest of the war. The German bombers also had more men in their planes so to be shot down or killed meant a greater loss of life for the Germans. Finally the English (being quietly un-assuming sorts) had more planes than the Germans. The Germans thought they were all that with their 8,000 planes but like the quiet elderly gentleman who says he is pottering about in the garden only to produce the most gorgeous rose or maybe produce all of ancient Rome in miniature, England had 10,000 planes. THAT'S RIGHT. "You want to shoot us down? Go right ahead. We have more where that came from."

Then the English began to add in assorted pilots from fallen governments from around Europe. Initially there was reluctance to have the Free French, the Polish and Czech squadrons because some didn't speak English. This ended up not being a problem as the international pilots were well trained and kicked some serious ass. Tom Cruise wishes he had half the bad-assery of these pilots.

By the end of the Summer, German pilots were worn out, there were great losses and Goering was not pleased with how things were turning out, despite changes on the German side of things in flying tactics. They began the raids on cities to break the people.

Next time: You've been bombed? Eh that's nothing. I've been bombed twice. Now I CAN tell you some stories.