prayers of a tired Mother

I like to come up with things to be anxious about. It's like how some people are into scrap-booking.
Right now I am concentrating on my worries about Senor Onion starting school. Part of the move has involved some regression on his part. It's exhausting at times. We are trying to be patient, consistent, and all that motherfucking modern parent jargon. To put it plainly, at times he can be a real asshole. I say that as someone who loves that kid to pieces. I think he can be a laugh riot and a lot of fun. But dang, kid, you are kind of being an asshole. I know he will get better. I have to believe it. He worked really hard all year long in preschool dealing with his emotional response to things. (you know, not having tantrums or freaking out when things don't go his way.) And there are times when it feels like all of that has been forgotten. He will get really pissed off when faced with transitions or he has to stop doing something. We give him warnings when things have to end and so on and I know that kids have to be reminded eighty million times about anything because they are children and their brains are still developing all those connections. yet... every single thing is a battle. Going anywhere is excruciating. He does not want to go. He bitches up one side and down the other. I hate having to go out because we have to do a half an hour of his breakdown. Miss Biscuit is two and a dream. You tell her, "hey we're going to go somewhere" and that kid will get her own boots on in a minute, asks for help getting her hood up on her jacket, and is waiting at the door. She is just so incredibly flexible. I bet you could tell Miss Biscuit, "Hey let's drive a bus to India. We may have to give a ride to these guys moving some hashish...it's cool though." And she would say, "ALL RIGHT!" But two year olds do have a habit of not making smart choices at times.
I do a lot of calling Senor Onion's bluff. He usually comes around and gets worked up when you call him on whatever declaration he has insisted upon. This kid... when he doesn't like something, he will be so contrary. Like he would deny gravity if it doesn't suit his agenda that day. He will announce, "You are the kid! I am the grown-up." I am dealing with my own stubborn as fuck personality when facing Senor Onion. He is my match. And he has such emotional stamina in defending his position. I don't want to kill that in some ways because he will need that in life. BUT FUCK ALL MIGHTY CHILD GET IN THE MOTHERFUCKING CAR. JUST GET IN THE GOD DAMN CAR OMG OMG WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME HATE THIS SHIT. GET ON YOUR BOOTS YES THOSE BOOTS FINE WEAR YOUR SANDALS THEY ARE YOUR FEET YOUR CHOICE FINE DO NOT WEAR A COAT. And then I lay down on the floor and cry because he has worn me down and I still have to go to the grocery store and he has taken half of my energy that I need for dealing with driving and going to the store and dealing with how everyone in England shops like it is the end of the god damn world and people love to leave their shopping carts in the middle of the already narrow aisles to stare at the shelves and if you try and smile and say, "excuse me" they pretend to not hear you and then have a conversation with someone else about whatever and then you are forced to take the contents of their grocery cart and throw it at them to make them wake up to the fact that they are being bastard people who have no consideration for people trying to get down the aisle because those biscuits won't get into your cart on their own.
I come out of the grocery store wondering why they don't have an open bar or something.
So back to my kid (who complains that we don't stop at the little cafe with the so-so food that looks so appealing to a five year old)
I worry about how he will respond to a whole new situation where there are these new adults who have responsibility for him for a much longer period during the day. I hope he won't have too many meltdowns. The reception kids, and year one kids are all together. (teeny school) So maybe they will understand his current personality. He does great in a really structured situation where he is focusing on something... though he will act like Don Music when things aren't going well. Today he was working on a lego dinosaur project and he was getting pissed off when things weren't going well and he began shouting, "NOT COOL MAN NOT COOL" and he broke down and cried and I comforted him. I just doubt that there will be teachers and assistants who really have the time to comfort him. And I really really don't want the other asshole parents to view him as a bad kid because OMG so many parents like to choose "the bad kid" in a class. Don't lie you Boden wearing twits. This school is full and is considered all that. I should have chosen a just okay school. Maybe a just okay school is better for a kid like mine. Where you can be a little more weird and wound up because your parents ruined your life by moving you half way around the world because of a whim. Senor Onion you can send me your therapy bills or something.

Please dear school, don't crush the great parts of his personality (his general curiosity and crazy questions, his passion and devotion to certain things, his gentle nature with small children.) and be patient with that edgy stubborn side of him that won't back down no matter what.