feeling emotions. Not feels.

Two weeks from tomorrow I will be flying to Seattle. I am sure it will be weird. In good ways and weird ways. I am bracing myself for all of this. If it is light enough out when we land, I hope I can see Mt. Rainier. I will probably cry. I know I will cry when I see my Mom. This is how it works now. We greet each other, hug, cry a lot. Have a good time together. When it's time for us to say good bye, we hug, try not to cry, but cry. (hopefully it won't be as bad as when I left Seattle. Man I had not cried so hard in such a long time as when I said goodbye to her at Sea-tac.) Listen up family, expect me to cry a whole lot when I see you and hug you. Bring hankies. I am.

Today I was driving home from town, and "America" by Simon & Garfunkel came on the radio... so I cried. I am going to be dehydrated by Christmas at the rate I am going.

...

I've been organizing Christmas plans, and presents like a mad fiend for the past few days. I have family and friends who are doing great things to help make it easy when we arrive. I am really thankful for that. I just need to figure out whether we need a blow-up mattress or something. And maybe silverware? Need to ask my family about that.

I've been decorating the house a bit for Christmas. We may not be here for all of it, but gosh darn there will be festive cheer. And green things. And a couple of nativity scenes. And lights. Always lights.

Today Miss Biscuit is home, so we went shopping, and then we went to the café at the department store. It has a view of the ocean, so it is kind of nice. She had milk and a chocolate muffin, and I had a bacon sandwich and hot chocolate. We talked about Christmas, going to Seattle, ponies, and why some of her dolls need "friends". Then we had a wander around the department store. She saw a pink duvet cover with ponies on it. She covets it. A lot. Tempting to go back and get it for her as a surprise. We also looked at possible presents for other people. We stopped at the bakery to pick up bread, and we were served by this one woman who I think hates me for whatever reason. I am trying to figure out what her trip is. I try and be really really nice to her, (in fact I make an extra effort to be polite and cheerful.) even though I want to shout, "seriously bitch, what is up?" Yet she is always short with me. And this is the third time she has packaged the pastries, so that they end up squashed. The other ladies don't do this shit, and I like them loads. Bakery problems.

I am going to make pancakes and bacon for dinner. Because I can. Then after I get the kids off to bed, I am going to craft it up for a bit.