do the work

Today I am depressed. I don't require comfort/sympathy over this fact. I woke up depressed for no good reason. It isn't missing my Mom, or the end of the holidays. This is purely the random chemical make-up of my brain. It just works out this way. I wasn't entirely sure what was going on, but something felt off. It's like waking up to a smell you can't quite identify at first. You keep going about your day and thinking, "WHAT IS THAT? That isn't the usual scent. I don't like it but I know it." And then I begin to sense the visitor out of the corner of my eye. Something that is just barely in my field of vision, and when I took a moment to pause, it hits me. "Oh damn. Depression and anxiety. You showed up and you didn't even give me a call. What assholes."
It is kind of tough, in that Mr. Jenner is out of town this weekend. He'll be back Monday, so it isn't long. But he took the car with him, (because he needed it) so I am here with the kids. At the same time this is good. I can't just lay on the floor hoping the Earth will swallow me up. I have to be here. I have to be functional. I have to be accountable to someone. Someone needs me. Two someones need me. Even if it is just to get someone yogurt, break up a squabble, supervise teeth-brushing, and reading stories. I have a ritual, and purpose. It will make the time pass. Sightly.
When Mr. Jenner comes back, I will be able to go running. I can rid myself of those adrenals. I will wear out my brain. And that is my piece of hope.