meatballs

[gfrancie]

Oh sweet Jesus. I think the trip to Southcenter and the visit to IKEA took ten years off of my life. The way some people feel about the holidays I feel about going to IKEA. "Thank God it only is a problem once a year."
We need a new sofa. We have been saying this for about a year. We would go and casually look at sofas and never make any decision. None. Because we aren't good at making decisions and prefer handing the task off to one another like a freaking hot potato. "No you do it." "No you."
Finally someone lost patience and said, "dammit we are getting a sofa."
Really the IKEA catalog came in the mail and we started looking at stuff and decided to just get the task over with.

We went to one furniture store first but didn't find anything we liked. Most of it looked like it belonged in an office waiting room. I half-expected a sales rep named Chad or Kellie to be sitting on the sofa, waiting to give out free samples of some ointment or maybe free pens.
So we made our way to IKEA. There never ever seems to be any direct way to enter the compound of blue and yellow. Round and round you go where you stop nobody knows.
It was crowded. (as usual) and like roller derby with strollers. Senor Onion and I should have worn helmets and sparkly clothing. I would be known as Mean Mummy Jenner and he would be The Killer Onion. The most feared stroller derby players west of the Mississippi.
Anyhow... back to sofas. Mr. Jenner and I looked at two models and began to discuss the merits and irritations of the two. I was concerned about having such a freaking big sofa in the living room. We wandered into a tangent about how guys seem to have giant furniture. I began to recall boyfriends who had enormous sofas and chairs. It's not a penis thing apparently. Mr. Jenner said, "well what is the point of having a room if you can't fill it up."
Yes.
Well.
That didn't make any sense to me but whatever. I suppose it is like trying to explain to Mr. Jenner why I need several purses or multiple pairs of shoes that may look alike but are different.
We decided on a sofa. It was a bit of a compromise in a sense. We get the large sofa but we will eventually replace the current giant chair that is in the living room with two smaller chairs in hopes of creating a bit of balance. Again this may not make much sense to other people but it works in our skewed world.
Mr. Jenner won 100 awesome points when it turned out the sofa we chose was 100 dollars less than advertised.
Mr. Jenner A+++++ would marry again!!!11!!
Then it was back to the stroller derby.
Outta mah way. Me and The Killer Onion have a date in IKEA jr to look at storage. Vroom Vroom!!!
Picked up a bright green box to hold his growing collection of toys and spatulas. Senor onion likes my le creuset spatula. My Baby rolls sophisticated. yo.
Then we went to kitchen storage where I picked up canisters and containers galore because a girl likes to pretend she is organized. Martha Stewart would be proud.
We continued on the scary maze of IKEA. I think I saw the minotaur in lighting. Or someone just wears their muttonchops in a seriously fierce fashion.
Then? Oh man...the hard part. Picking up a freaking sofa. Stupid Swedish and their, "do it yourself" attitude. We had to get this giganto sofa onto the cart. A cart I might add that has no breaks. Maybe the Swedes are really really big fans of slapstick comedy. The heads of IKEA watch Laurel and Hardy shorts to get ideas on how to better serve the customer. "Tell them to load stuff that is enormous onto a cart. Comedy gold and inexpensive service."
Hahahaha. Big fun. Yeah.
A slightly neat moment was picking up the sofa cover. It was like going to the automat or something. If the automat served home needs instead of culinary needs. You entered in this code and how many whatevers you needed and this door opened up and you opened up a little clear door and there was your whatever. Fancy! Okay the Swedes get to live because of that touch of cleverness. Even if they are psychotic otherwise.
We went through the self-serve checkout as we had 10 items or fewer.
There was something highly amusing about going through self-serve with a sofa. More comedy gold. Eventually we got that thing through and we sorted out delivery stuff.
By this point I had a raging headache. The kind where medium sized reptiles erupt from one's head. I kept cool. I got a piece of candy from the delivery service area. Eventually we got out of that bastard Scandinavian joint.
Fuck you Ingemar. Fuck you and your allen keys.
So tired.
We took a detour home to avoid the whole I-5 traffic snarl. (They are doing road work since it is August and everything)
The drive home was actually pleasant and the Killer onion slept after the derby. But oh my head. Oh my sweet head.
The sofa arrives tonight.
This fucking sofa better last at least five years because I may cut a Swede.

Comments

[motomotoyama.livejournal.com]

I helped my mom move a couple of weeks ago, and she needed to pick stuff up from Ikea. We spent 3.5 hours there. It sucked mightily, but now my mom has some fab new furniture.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I think we only spent an hour in there. Maybe an hour and a half but it was still too long. I wish they served cocktails. Imagine how cheerful that place would be.

This Entry Rules, Yo!

[epiphany.livejournal.com]

And here I thought my fear and loathing of IKEA was mine and mine alone.

First of all I haven't even finished this entry all the way through and yet I feel compelled to comment. I don't know why buying a couch is such a freakin' big deal, but it truly is a life and death issue. It's a RELATIONSHIP man/woman issue. Screw handbag and shoe comparisons... a couch is where you'll be parking your butt and having clever conversations and ugly confrontations for the rest of your young life with this man.

I remain enlightened by the couch space vs. room space observation on the part of Mr. Jenner. 100 more awesome points to him for clearing this up for all of us.

D. and I have gone couch and chair shopping many times. The last time I almost left in tears. I fell hopelessly in love with a chair I could never afford unless I bought just one and sat in it every day for a hundred years eschewing all other furniture and selling everything I own on e-Bay.

IKEA couches completely baffled me. Some of them were so odd and uncomfortable they about threw our asses out of them before we even sat down. "How about this one?" *sit* "No." "What this one?" *sit* "Ugh! NO!"

You are a brave, brave couple. Kudos to you in your steamy butticular victories!

Re: This Entry Rules, Yo!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I like the idea of IKEA in theory.
Inexpensive stuff, some neat things here and there and funny names. Sounds awesome on paper.
Then there is the reality. The place is huge, no clocks and yet there seems to be no A/C. At least casinos have A/C to keep people happy with the shrimp cocktail and the slots. Maybe there should be more slots at IKEA?
It is total chaos and half the things in there don't look slouchy worthy.
Oprah 'splained sofas. It is such a significant portion of a room and the wrong sofa can make you hate the room and like you said it is where you park your butt and have the good and ugly with people. Plus they tend to be kind of a significant financial choice. Nothing worse than a room with a giant piece of mistake.
Mr. Jenner has many theories on stuff and space. This is why he is a physics wizard.
Hopeless chair love is the worst. I once saw a chair that was perfection on a plate. Alas it wasn't meant to be mine.

You sound like you are the Goldilocks of IKEA.

Now to find cute chairs for the living room.

Our next serce project is painting the master bath. It will be pink. If that goes without a hitch we will paint the guest/study. Slowly but surely stuff will be done.

[genesisdiem.livejournal.com]

couch shopping is in my future, as the bf currently owns a red velvet circular couch and "matching" black leather chair... whilst I own a couch with matching chair that has seen many a cover to hide it's tackiness and age. Hopefully though, we'll go before I am a member of the stroller derby. It'll give me time to think up a neato name. :D

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

What is your boyfriend doing with the furniture of "The Ladies Man"? hah

[genesisdiem.livejournal.com]

he thinks the furniture he has 'fits the space' and is a 'great conversation piece'. He also thinks my furniture reminds him of his grandmother's house with all the doilies and knick knacks... I told him if we ever got a place of our own, we'd compromise. My stuff in the living room, his stuff in the den.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Kinda makes me think of a guy I went out with. His apartment had large black leather sofas and a leopard print rug on the floor. Classy...

[bovril.livejournal.com]

I would recommend a dose of glue on all the joints of the IKEA furniture, in addition to the patent screwlock joints. It keeps the joints tight for two more years.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I don't have that kind of energy. I can barely put my socks on.

HA!

[epiphany.livejournal.com]

Yer killin' me.

[anonamys.livejournal.com]

We were just eying the sofas in the Ikea catalog. There's one I like the look of (plus it has easy to wash slipcovers!), but I think I have a vague memory of it being uncomfortable when I liked it years ago. No matter. We don't need one right now anyway. But I want one.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Which one was it?

[kirinqueen.livejournal.com]

I have not been able to express how happy I am that we haven't had to shop for a sofa yet, because we inherited a groovy one (and a chair) from my sister.

Ikea is great, except for the whole walking-through-the-"showroom" part. And the dressers. Don't ever buy a dresser at Ikea.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Love and adore your groovy one until it finally dies. Give it a proper burial and then you will begin the cruel hunt for another sofa.
The showrooms get in the way. It's like one giant bad party. Only no shrimp cocktail or pigs in a blanket.

[urlgirl.livejournal.com]

I can totally understand how it might induce a headache. But me, I love IKEA. I just do, it's like crack, cheap freakin' crack, like going to Fry's only with cheap kitchen utensils. Everything from the blue and yellow plastic shopping bags, to the measuring tapes and the little pencils, to the Swedish meatballs with the lingonberry sauce? Oh yeah.

Haven't been to the Southcenter one yet, since we moved here. I've been saving it for a rainy day.

[cigale.livejournal.com]

I was starting to think that I was the weird one for actually enjoying going to Ikea. Glad I am not :).

Got a fav department? I enjoy their cooking stuff and rugs/pillows.

[urlgirl.livejournal.com]

I like:
- flipping through the rugs
- rolling around through the warehouse "looking for" furniture items
- turning the pretty lights in the lighting department on, off, on, off
- hiding in the kids castles
- cutting through traffic by finding the hidden corridors behind the displays
- sitting in the office chairs
- and especially the "organization" department. except they discontinued my favorite zippered file box. bad person, whoever did that.

[cigale.livejournal.com]

oh yes, I love the shortcut. oh and the toys too :)

[urlgirl.livejournal.com]

The train sets! And, Oooooh, the blocks! I love their block sets.
No fun, having a seven year old who's grown out of IKEA blocks.

[cigale.livejournal.com]

blocks? I must go look for blocks. I like their stuffed creatures as well.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Their crackhappy stuff keeps me coming back. So sad. And so true.
Have you been to Olsen's in Ballard? They have some good Scandinavian eats.

[urlgirl.livejournal.com]

No! And I just made a new friend in Ballard two weeks ago! You just gave me reason to go back! Woot!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

It's a small place. Near Cupcake Royale. But they have pickled herring. I love pickled herring. I could eat it all the time. I bought my krumkake curler there.

[kaligrrrl.livejournal.com]

heee! you are comedy GOLD!

IKEA was like that in France as well. *shudder*

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Ah t'ank you.
I think all of IKEA is like this.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Hehehehe

[worldforawhile.livejournal.com]

I have this dear friend who loves to go to IKEA and loves to ask me to go with her. I hate going to IKEA because there are too many people and they're out of stock of what I want and I start getting the low-blood-sugar shakes and they have such a wonderful catalog and IKEA is just a cruel mistress. But my friend refuses to believe that IKEA gives me the rage.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

It takes the right conditions to handle a trip among so many people. There needs to be some sort of barometer outside IKEA. "Sorry it is too high, can't go in."

[queenthesixth.livejournal.com]

I've never been to an IKEA. We only have one in the country and that's outside Dublin so good luck to that. To be honest, I'm not a big fan of anything flat packed. It was fine when my father was alive, I'd read the instructions and he'd put the thing together. Any future boyfriend/husband must be able to assemble furniture and be handy around the house.

Though the thought of picking up a sofa and putting it on a cart in the shop as though you were just shopping for milk or something made me laugh. I didn't know that's how they do things in IKEA land.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Someday you should go just for a good laugh and to see their kitchen stuff.
I married Mr. Jenner for his handy skills. *wink wink nudge nudge*

Yeah IKEA ain't for weak folk. I suppose you could ask someone for help. Most of their sofas are fairly small and light-weight but somehow we decided to get one of the larger sofas. Just because we are sillyl like that. Thankfully we had them delivered it.

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

HEE. OK, I've been meaning to add you for some time but even if I wasn't, just for this entry I'd friend you. I had a very similar experience when getting a sofa from IKEA. I sympathize!

Anyway, mind if I friend you? I'm Charishawk on SF but foresthouse here.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

add away.
I wish they had hot slaveboys to carry the sofas for people.

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

ME TOO. Although then I couldn't go shopping with my boyfriend, because he'd be sad to see me drooling after the hot slaveboys. Hee.