as I push my hair out of my face.
Jul. 18th, 2002 02:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gfrancielong conversations that go nowhere.
I try and push responsibility on myself that isn't mine and all it does is create greater anxiety then usual. My mother has fallen into a deep depression, partly because my brother and I don't live at home. What is so unusual is I left home at one point earlier and it didnt' affect her, but the fact that my brother has moved out, has really left her down. I wish I could do something, or say something. I listen to her, but often it is difficult, because all I am left feeling is melancholy. I know I can't fix everything, I am well aware of that, plenty of people say this to me, yet, what am I supposed to feel? I sit quietly listening to her, and I tighten up and bite the inside of my mouth to remain calm. There is that deep part of me, that wants to shake her violently when she says she is a bad mother, or she doesn't know what to do. I then just feel guilty.I am not quite angry at her...I just feel lost.
The last thing I want to hear is sympathy.
if you are going to comment, be funny, otherwise, shut up.
If I want to hear advice I would go to my therapist. or read dear abbey.
I try and push responsibility on myself that isn't mine and all it does is create greater anxiety then usual. My mother has fallen into a deep depression, partly because my brother and I don't live at home. What is so unusual is I left home at one point earlier and it didnt' affect her, but the fact that my brother has moved out, has really left her down. I wish I could do something, or say something. I listen to her, but often it is difficult, because all I am left feeling is melancholy. I know I can't fix everything, I am well aware of that, plenty of people say this to me, yet, what am I supposed to feel? I sit quietly listening to her, and I tighten up and bite the inside of my mouth to remain calm. There is that deep part of me, that wants to shake her violently when she says she is a bad mother, or she doesn't know what to do. I then just feel guilty.I am not quite angry at her...I just feel lost.
The last thing I want to hear is sympathy.
if you are going to comment, be funny, otherwise, shut up.
If I want to hear advice I would go to my therapist. or read dear abbey.
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no subject
Date: 2002-07-18 03:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-07-18 03:54 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-07-18 06:09 am (UTC)hmmm
Date: 2002-07-18 07:39 am (UTC)Re: hmmm
Date: 2002-07-18 05:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-07-18 09:40 am (UTC)