Sweater puppies

[gfrancie]

I have been looking for a basic black cotton cardigan. Mine is going home to Jesus. I have had it...four years (I think) and while it has served its purpose, it is time to replace it.
I would think it would be a simple task but there seems to be a lot of ugly happening in the world of sweaters..and clothes in general. I suppose it is my own irrational standards of what I want. Something slightly fitted but not super tight and not too many dumb doo-dads. I used to have a great black cardigan but I believe I lost it somewhere in England. These things happen.
But really the genuine fun in searching for something is perusing the awe-inspiring ugly.

Exhibit A. Or as I like to call it, "OMG We gotta make a sweater in five minutes with whatever we can find on the floor Project Runway challenge".
Tim Gunn would look at this sweater and say, "I am very concerned with where you have taken this."
We are all very concerned.

Some women? They just want to be a flying squirrel. For an extra hundred David Attenborough narrates your daily life. "Now our furry friend is getting a latte. Soy. extra pump of hazelnut. She will now engage in a mating ritual with the cute barista. It will fail."

Color! Pattern! Chaos! Or The rough draft version of the coat of many colors. Even Dolly Parton would go, "is that a floor rug?"

I am hiding a pregnancy or I am having a bloaty day. Don't look at my mid-section. DON'T LOOK!

Congratulations, you are now a Second Grade teacher. Now go pick up your denim jumper and comfortable shoes. Sprinkling of chalk-dust is extra.

Comments

[rochelle.livejournal.com]

I am hiding a pregnancy or I am having a bloaty day. Don't look at my mid-section. DON'T LOOK!

I think I have that and I bought it at the maternity clothes store.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

works doesn't it.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

See I have tried on sweaters like that -specially ones that are gathered like in the picture and they just made me feel bloaty and bigger and made me feel even more conscious of the mummy tummy.

Trying to be helpful

[bliss-street.livejournal.com]

They tend to have pretty good basic cardigans at Lands' End.

Re: Trying to be helpful

[horseygurl88.livejournal.com]

There, LL Bean and NY& Company also have good ones. i have a great 3/4 sleeve black, all-cotton cardigan from NY&Co that has withstood eight years of near-daily winter use.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

I want a flying squirrel woman! Can she live in my bedroom?

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

only on the weekends.

[lyrainverse.livejournal.com]

I just got a simple 3/4 sleeve black knit cardigan at Target for $18. You wouldn't believe how long it took me to find something without bows or rhinestones.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I may have to look there again. The last time I looked I was not impressed.

[jess-faraday.livejournal.com]

I am embarrassed to say that I really liked the first one and last two. The flying squirrel, though, has to go.

[sahara-harp.livejournal.com]

Now that's funny. I really liked the Flying Squirrel! Macys, here I come!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

The Flying squirrel cardigan made me think of the hobble skirt (http://www.fabrics.net/colpics/sept/18-1913costume.jpg) of the early 20th century. Because of the restriction of movement. I picture people looking a little bit like flipper children.

[salamandersam.livejournal.com]

The illustration of the hobble skirt looks like a man in drag to me.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Maybe you can wear it.
If I wore it I would look like a hippy sack of potatoes with flipper arms.
Most sweaters look bad on me. "Oh look I am now a sausage in pink chenille. Great."
I have wide hips so extra dood-dads and frills there just make me look like a lamp-shade gone horribly wrong and boxy-cut sweaters... well it kills any waist so I start to look like a barge.
Maybe I should start taking valium before I go to try on clothes.

[tyrven.livejournal.com]

Those go, in order, from poor to terrible. The "Color! Pattern! Chaos!" one is the worst.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Hee.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I think you should buy that sweater for Katie. See if she really loves you.

[tyrven.livejournal.com]

They put these up as controls to evaluate how much the model and the photography impact people's buying decisions. What they don't account for is that there is, in fact, no accounting for taste and people buy them regardless. Someone out there really does want Color! Pattern! Chaos!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Yep.
I want to meet someone who has bought Color! Pattern! Chaos!

[needlediva.livejournal.com]

you are inflicting upon me a Deep Desire To Knit. woman, you need an actual honest to gawd sweater, not one of these....these....NOVELTIES. i am wounded to my very depths.

or barring that, get thee to a land's end catalog. this way lies madness.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Novelties! Hee!
Yeah I am looking at land's end but I want to try on the damn sweater to make sure it doesn't make me look stupid.
Broad shoulders make sweater fitting a bit of a tricky one.
Plus I want to find something a little more fitted because I hate looking so blocky. I already feel blocky enough as it is.
Like an East German athlete.

[cigale.livejournal.com]

I have quite a few cardigans, I am slightly obsessed. I got them all at H&M. They are fitted but not clingy, nothing shiny on them. They usually don't last more than a year or two but for the price it's worth it. Not sure if you have one of those stores in your city.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

We finally got an H&M. I haven't had the courage to venture there yet because apparently it has been a mad-house.

[cigale.livejournal.com]

Your best bet is to go during a week day if you can. It is usually crowded and messy but that's part of the H&M experience. You'll find stuff that you like and plenty of stuff to make fun of as well :).

[todayiamadaisy]

My mother used to have one like the last one. She'd probably really like that one if she saw it.

I actually kind of like the squirrel one.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Hee.
There you go, you have found your Mum's christmas present.

I keep thinking if I wore the squirrel sweater (and maybe it would look better on other people) I would look bulky like a sack of potatoes. A sack of potatoes with short arms. Maybe it would look good on other people.
I already feel bad enough as it is about my body so I like to try and avoid the sack of potatoes look. So this is why I have an aversion to it.

[oxymoron67.livejournal.com]

I thought the flying squirrel one was the prettiestof the bunch, thiugh I thought overall those sweaters were a festival of unfortunate.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I think the flying squirrel one -upon reflection could look nice on the right person.
On me... it would look like shit.
And that is why I don't like it.

[rockrgirl8.livejournal.com]

i feel you! it is so hard to find just basic, simple clothing. the youth culture has tainted everything - even clothing geared toward older women. i'm sorry but i am not in the camp that believes "you too can be 40 and wear below the waist jeans, a midriff shirt, and a funky sweater" and you'll look rad! NO.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Oh come on, don't you want to wear a micro-mini and some ho-heels????

the easiest thing is

[bbcaddict.livejournal.com]

to get your mom to knit you one! for sheesh's sake!
you might as well buy nice yarn and knit it yourself if you're going to pay over $100 for it anyhow.

there is a rather normal pattern that I'm planning on knitting (cotton/alpaca I think blend yarn called Summer Set by Classic Elite)
right here - It's at the bottom of the page in white- the Yoke Rib Cardigan
http://www.classiceliteyarns.com/pattern_detail.php?patternID=32

Re: the easiest thing is

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

She is already knitting me a pink cardy. She is only one woman with a million knitting projects going on. I can't have her stroking out on us.
I think I found a cardy I want. I want a cotton fine-knit cardigan that is fitted and not baggy. I am a whiny wench that way.
Eventually I will work up to the sweater.
First a hat.

Re: the easiest thing is

[bbcaddict.livejournal.com]

I have to show you the hooker leggings (shiny PVC leggings) that Express is trying to sell.
I was saying "Do those come with herpes?"

Re: the easiest thing is

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Makes me think of Drew's joke about the future of American Apparel.

[tu-tartaruga.livejournal.com]

lordy lou! this post entertained me. Thank you.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

See. You got it.
Unlike the other assholes.