gfrancie | the best of times, the shittiest of times (Dickens' first draft)

We are home in a manner of speaking.
*takes a long sip of her drink before telling the tale*
Is everyone seated?
Good.

Monday morning 6am GMT, I was getting ready to leave for a long drive to Heathrow. Having my tea, feeling awful because I was up at some uncivilized hour. I went to check my email quick to see if there was anything amusing or a short note from my Mom.
Well...there was a bit of amusing but then there was also an email from a friend who had been dropping by our house once or twice a week while we were gone.
It seems an internal pipe burst in our house and flooded a good portion of the basement. He wasn't there at the time (it happened the day after Christmas) but found the note from our neighbor who lives across the street. (She grew up in our house) Apparently people heard water and then saw water gushing out of our garage doors. This is truly amazing, a number of our neighbors dug in the snow to turn off the water main, they called the gas company to shut off our gas (as they smelled things as water had fallen into the vents and into the furnace area) and checked a few other things about the house. Our friend had a look and noted the bulging of some walls downstairs and in the ceiling of the basement.
I was a wee bit freaked. I even said, "Bugger bugger bugger" several times in front of my Mother in law (she doesn't say such words) and then my son repeated them.
So we had a five hour drive and a nine hour flight to worry about the state of our house that we were coming home to. Happy Freakin' Holidays.
I ended up snapping at my Mother in law when I was quietly worrying about it and she was trying to be helpful and saying, "No point in worrying or getting worked up now...blah blah blah" "Oh you shouldn't have checked your email before you left" and I said, "yes that is all well and good because you don't have to go home to that." I think what really pissed me off was when she said, "well it hurts me too." That is the LAST thing you want to hear. I said very quietly but firmly, "Val, you need to stop talking right now." Mind you it was said with a tone of voice that conveyed that I might be inclined to find a large object to smack a person about with if they did not listen to me.
I fear I may have made her cry a bit.
all before 7 am, I am dealing with a nasty cold, a flooded house and an upset Mother in law.
It gets more entertaining from there.
So I quickly say sorry, we say our goodbyes and get off on the road.
We had been driving for about half an hour when my son starts feeling weepy and then throws up ALL OVER HIMSELF AND THE CAR SEAT!
I was smart and packed four clean shirts and an exra pair of pants. We stopped to get gas and I had the pleasure of cleaning up vomit in freezing weather in North Devon. Oh Happy Day. His coat, shirt, trousers, socks and shoes were a mess. I managed to clean up most of the car-seat. I had the distinct pleasure of putting vomit-soaked clothes in my suitcase. And we can't wash anything just now. ho.ho.ho.
The car smelled faintly of vomit for the entire drive. And half of the drive Senor Onion was crying and screaming and very little would comfort him. He also decided that particular day to let the demon two year old out. The one who screams at high tones over little things and throws a million tantrums.
I suspect right about now most of you are grasping a bottle of booze and thanking your appropriate higher powers that you aren't me.
So we get lost just ever so slightly returning the car rental. (Heathrow is an evil place sometimes) We had to wait forever in the freezing cold for the lady to put together our receipt. Lovely.
Get to Terminal 5. (the Jetson themed wet-dream) and went to Fast Bag Drop. *closes eyes for a moment* I think it would have been faster for me to get on a boat and sail to New York, go through Ellis Island, take a train across the United State with various stops to work in sweatshops than it was to go through Fast Bag Drop.
The woman was so slow and ineffectual I thought they might have let people in comas do the work as a special treat.
Security was quick and then we had to wait around for a bit. Had some sandwiches that were all right but there is always a vague sense of disappointment about them. (thank you pret et manger for ennui-filled sandwiches)
Then we had to walk forever and ever to get to a lift to then take a train to take a lift to walk a long way to get to our gate.
There was a brief stop to enjoy the bouncy play area for children.
Then it was onto the real endurance test.
9 hours in a plane with a sick and pissed off two year old.
It was not pleasant.
We left late because yet another yodel checked his bags but didn't board the flight.
Senor Onion kept freaking out (as he was tired) and only slept for two hours.
I suffered violent motion sickness. I couldn't eat or drink anything without it coming back up. It wasn't food poisoning. (that is different) It wasn't a terribly bumpy flight... but my stomach wasn't having any of it.
I was a regular vomit queen. Even while we were landing I was calling upon Ralph the water sprite, all whilst my son is crying and screaming and my husband is absolutely sick and tired.
I felt so awful when we were in customs/immigration I thought I might die just to get some relief.
It was a true battle not to be sick in front of hundreds of people.
Though I lost that battle in the courtesy van on our way to pick our car which had been in long term parking.
I apologized to the driver and he was nice about it and said "you should have blamed your baby."
*snorts*
After riding the vomit comet and being so exhausted having been awake for nearly twenty-four hours with a sick family, driving toward a possibly ruined house, it felt good to talk to my Mom on the phone.
I had a quick talk with the neighbor about all that had happened and we had a look in the house. Some things weren't as bad as we feared and others were meh.
Upside, the one spot of carpet that didn't get wet at all was right where the cable modem lives.
Not too many bulging ceilings/walls. Things are likely to be covered by homeowner's insurance and tomorrow morning we have the plumber showing up, along with the guy from the gas company and I will likely be able to get a contractor in in the next few days to sort out some of the other issues. And the electricity seems fine for the most part. (the lights in the laundry are waterlogged so we aren't touching that)
As we lack gas and water and there is a strong moldy smell from everything downstairs we are staying in a hotel tonight.
Senor Onion and I fell asleep about 7pm. We went to lay down to cuddle and relax but we passed out instead.
Oh what a fun fun time this will be.
The important thing is I have retained my sense of humor.
Now to ride out jetlag.

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From:

queenthesixth.livejournal.com

Oh dear lord. Anyone of those things would be enough to put a person demented but all of them? At the one time? I have no words, except to say I'm glad you got back with your sanity relatively intact.
I hope the jetlag doesn't get too bad and that you get all the sleep you need.

From:

I come from haunts of coot and hearn

the best of times, the shittiest of times (Dickens' first draft)

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