Part III: I kid you not.

[gfrancie]

Where were we? Yes. I am in labor.


So, there I was. Mr. Jenner, my very calm and together doula (Rochelle has a real knack for this) my nurse (a very pretty and very young blonde girl who had the right kind of energy to tell me when to get things done) and a few other random nurses who came along for the initial fun. They wanted to check the baby's heart again and do a quick monitoring. My lord these people really were interested in her heart-rate. And mine. It proved to be a slightly difficult task because she kept moving about and I kept moving about and so a consistent read wasn't really happening. I may have told the nurse I hated her for making things so difficult. She didn't take it personally.
We did discover a few things. Between the doctor's office and L&D, I had gone from 2cm to 4cm. I will DILATE like nobody's business. She was very very low. (they could feel the hair on her head) I am bearing down without meaning to. So we have everyone trying to get me to concentrate on breathing/moaning/panting... anything but pushing the baby out. (not a good idea to try and do that at 4cm. It does a number on the cervix and I would like to keep the cervix for future use.)
Oh and my water still hasn't broken. I would do my best to "rest" in between each contraction. Mostly it was like clutching to the side of the cliff and feeling grateful that the next wave hasn't crashed against you...yet.
I kept trying to hold off on the drugs. It was probably the biggest struggle I had going on. Trying my damndest not to push (because it wasn't the right time) and battling the very true fact that it felt like my pelvis was trying to burst apart. I could feel her getting lower and lower. It felt so fast and I didn't feel like I could stay in control for much longer. This is one of the more unpleasant aspects of a fast labor. You really do not get any time to adjust/process to the situation. You can only do your best to go with it. Like some waterpark ride. Wooooooooooooooooo there you go. I changed position and oh man did it make things more painful. But it probably helped the progression of labor. I would squeeze Mr. Jenner's hands so hard with each contraction. I am surprised he had hands left. At one point I bit his hand. This my friend is love. The man does not hold that against me. Holding onto his hands was something I could concentrate on. My doula also had her hands on me and it was kind of this safe presence as well. There were a lot of people doing their best to work with the pain. I had to keep my eyes closed. Whenever I opened them I wanted to throw up.
I had a deal with Mr. Jenner where I had to ask for drugs three times (when I wasn't having contractions) before I could have an epidural. Eventually I went that route. I don't feel terribly bad about that. I am pragmatic. I wanted to see if I could last a little longer than last time without the drugs (and I did) but in that moment I didn't know how much longer I could last. I felt like my body and mind had been turned inside out.
Now the stuff with the drugs is funny. They gave me a narcotic while we waited for the nice man to show up. I am still in pain but now I am saying things that make not a lick of sense. I suddenly say, "Turtles". I had this vision in my head of wallpaper with turtles and the turtles began to move. Then I saw little old chinese grandmas with crazy hair walking across a street in the International District. So I say, "Old chinese grandmas...funny hair." Mr. Jenner and Rochelle took it in stride. "Oh hey she is now high." The man who did the epidural was a pro. He was fast and did good work. I was still feeling the contractions but I didn't feel like I was being torn apart. But I still wanted to push. Then I said, "oooh...I am leaking. I think my water just broke." And lo it did. And I then jumped to 7cm.
They also noticed that there was a fair amount of meconium with the amniotic fluid. It wasn't entirely surprising as she was overdue, but she was obviously "stressed". Her heart-rate was also low at various points. And it seems that even during my "psychotic contractions" as the nurse called them, my heart-rate was incredibly chill. They also noticed my blood pressure was on the low side of things, but I did explain that I have always had relaxed blood pressure. Fascinating to know that even when I am on the edge, I have the Jeff Lebowski of hearts.
They told me I couldn't hold Baby Biscuit right away because of the meconium issue and they were going to have some people from the NICU team (as I recall) on stand-by to suction things before she could accidentally aspirate/develop an infection. I was all right for the most part. I had to kind of make myself say it was "okay".
I have a knack for denial.
We were getting near the end. My doctor was on her way. Funny story, it took her awhile to get here because she had knee surgery a few months ago, so even the walk from the office to L&D was also a trial. Obviously I trump her in terms of pain, but it is nice to know it wasn't easy for her either.
My heart-rate was still low and so they ended up giving me some oxygen. I found it to be a pain. "fine fine fine...let's just get this baby out."
It was some crowd. Not exactly dinner theater but kind of closer to Punch & Judy with the audience participation. "Come on!!! PUSH!!!" (thankfully fewer hisses and boos than a Christmas Panto)
My doctor made noises about having to use the vacuum because of the Plum's situation.
I proceeded to push out Miss Plum in Two pushes.
Yes.
Two.
On occasion I can be determined. (and hey kegels pay off)
And out she came at 4:22pm.

She was quite a sight. (as you can imagine) They rushed her to one area of the room to make sure she was all right -which she was. She had a powerful set of lungs and she made it very clear that all of this was terribly undignified. I soon got to hold her and she was keen to nurse. "Lady, do you have something to eat, I have had a long afternoon."
I did tell Mr. Jenner on the way to the hospital, "hey if you are lucky I might be able to produce this baby in time for tea." So I was slightly late. But you have to appreciate the effort made so that a man can have a nice cup of tea and a sit down with his new daughter.


I will try and get some more pictures up in the next few days. For now life is nursing, soothing and sitting.

Comments

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

The end is usually pretty nice. I liked how this turned out. It is exciting and humbling to say the least.

[akathorne.livejournal.com]

Two pushes, holy god. That is impressive.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I am not entirely sure how that happened. I think I wanted to avoid the whole vacuum and she was also pretty low and ready to come out herself. It was a joint-effort.

[meganbnl.livejournal.com]

Oh my.....a birth-themed water park. With a Quick Labor Flume, and an Amniotic Fluid Wave Pool.



And turtles.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

Fallopian inner tubes to glide down the Birth Canal.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Pretty much!

[ms-pooka.livejournal.com]

you are making me look bad. almost three months later and i still haven't finished my birthing story.

but bravo! you did a phenomenal job. especially with avoiding that pesky vacuum business.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I thought I had better capture the stream of conscious feeling before I forgot things.

Thank you thank you. Now I will spend the next several months with my boobs attached to a baby.

[ms-pooka.livejournal.com]

the vacuum's been turned on you.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

All I can think is, "In Soviet Russia, baby vacuums you."

[scarlettfish.livejournal.com]

This story is terrifying, impressive and hilarious. Well done!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Those three words best descrbe the universal act of giving birth.
And thank you.

[jawnbc]

Yaaaaaaay!!!!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Now where is my day-time emmy????

[rochelle.livejournal.com]

:D

Two pushes! That was legendary.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Hey you helped too.

[rochelle.livejournal.com]

Hahah. I held the pillow. That's not nearly as legendary. :)

[thiscantbesoy.livejournal.com]

Wooot! I forgot to tell you, in my dream where I said your labor took "two minutes," it also took two pushes. I shit you not. Yay for Miss Cleo.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Dang. You need to start charging for your magic dreams.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I suspect with Miss Biscuit that she will spend my entire life trying to work me up toward having a stroke. During this pregnancy there have been a few instances where there were "concerns" about something she was doing and then it turns out to be nothing.

[serorobele.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel any better, my mom's water broke in Meier and Frank while they were purchasing a crib (I was two weeks early so they hadn't put stuff off THAT much) and she was "in labor" for all of 20 minutes. I started being born as the doctor was still at lunch. And there was no doula, only my poor father who is scared of blood :)

Anyway, our thoughts are with all of you!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

See that would be horrifying and scary. But hey she did it! Amazing how the human body does that.

[maliekai.livejournal.com]

This story has made me ever so slightly less terrified to give birth one day. So thanks.

And also, Plum is adorbs and looks vair vair much like Senor Onion already. (Which is never a bad thing.)

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Just remember, millions of women do this all of the time. In the moment you think at times, "I can't do this" but it can be done. The human body is capable of a lot.

Thanks. All that dark hair and the big eyes. common trait.

[jillbutt.livejournal.com]

I love your story, thank you for posting it.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I figure I can show it to my kids when they are older and say, "SEE WHAT I WENT THROUGH? NOW DO THE DAMN DISHES"

[actually-not.livejournal.com]

Heh! I experienced a labor that fast from the other side, as a medical student trying to 'catch' her first delivery! To say I didn't really feel like I'd been involved would be an understatement.

Glad all went well for you.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I am always curious what it is like for the doctor having to catch babies like that. It must be kind of scary at times.

Thanks.

[missfrost.livejournal.com]

I've 'been there, done that' but there is absolutely no chance I was lucid and sane enough to talk about it, let alone write, for at least seven years.
Bless you, and welcome Plum!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

*laughs*
It was strangely exciting in retrospect. In the moment it was scary and crazy.

Plum is happy to be here.

Yay!!!

[grx.livejournal.com]

You, my friend are AMAZING! I always say, if it were left to us males to squeeze out the little darlings, the human race would die out. I don't think I could take all that! congrats on your new daughter! *HUGS!*

Re: Yay!!!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

The interesting thing about men and women is how each sex is built to handle a particular kind of pain. Really. Apparently men are better at handling the pain that comes the breaking of bones. (you know battle wounds) And women are built to handle muscular pain. (aka labor) So we each play to our strengths.

[tu-tartaruga.livejournal.com]

Awesome! I've been thinking about you and the family. I love the updates.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Nothing but boobs and screaming!

[utsi.livejournal.com]

:) you are truly awesome
grace under pressure

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Hee.
In the moment... soooooooo undignified.