finding it

[gfrancie]

Today was one of those days when I just felt like throwing myself a big pity party. Complete with sad balloons and bad cake.
Senor Onion wasn't kind to his best friend at school and there is a constant theme of Senor Onion not dealing well with impulse control or not being completely empathetic. It brings up all kinds of emotions in me. Damn that fantastic little boy humbles me. Yet this is the same kid who greets his best friend with a hug. He tells me that he loves it when his teacher smiles. He hands his sister a cookie and gently pats other babies on the head. There is a wonderful little boy there. I will just keep at it. I will help him to learn how to be a well-rounded person. This is my vocation. It is just one that leaves me feeling so low and filled with so many doubts about what I do.

Hilariously it doesn't help that I am feeling low in general. BUT despite all that sadness I was brought out of it in a few different ways. Someone on my friends list wrote a fantastic post about finding the Christmas spirit in certain situations. I was reminded of the joy I take in certain rituals and what I provide for others. I am in love with how my kids respond to advent. I am excited to have my kids with their cousins and family. I have been having fun with Senor Onion to decorate the house. Things are wonderful. Then a present I sent to a friend arrived. She has been having a time of it and this present made her pretty happy. This filled me with a lot of joy. Then? A subscription to this food writing magazine arrived. A family friend sent it to me because she seems keen to encourage my writing. (she is a kick-ass poet in her own right and her confidence in me cracks me up.) I had a bunch of reminders today from all sorts of places that people care about me. I forget that sometimes. Thanks universe.

Yesterday I went to a friend's place and we made scotch eggs together. It was a sort of brunch experience with a few friends. We ate the scotch eggs (it was an excuse to try a recipe from a new cookbook my friend got) and then sausage rolls and fruit and hot chocolate with home-made marshmallows. It was wonderful. People looked through cookbooks, talked about fun places to eat, knitting, crafting and traveling. A couple of friends were in a fragile place as their lives have kind of gone...upsidedown. I hope it cheered them a bit. They seemed to have left in a slightly more calm mood. I suggest good food and good company to everyone.

The carpet is still damp downstairs. (boy that sounds inappropriate) Mr. Jenner and I agreed that our next house will be on a hill.

Comments

[maliekai.livejournal.com]

I am having a lot of not-good days lately too. I think it is a rough time of year for those of us who are already prone to the not-good-ness. Let us band together.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

the darkness is cruel.
But tomorrow is always another day and things are okay. Remember that.

[maliekai.livejournal.com]

Wise.

[emmabovary.livejournal.com]

Senor Onion is a small child, not a mini adult. His current trajectory is filled with learning... learning about impulse control and limits--his own and others'. Please do not take the teachers' comments seriously. They shouldn't even be bringing up these things as "commentable". What Senor Onion is displaying is as normal as breathing.

[far-gone.livejournal.com]

Gotta second this one. Nicco almost got kicked out of nursery for biting etc. It's part of their wiring and they do come out the other end (though he still likes to imagine blowing things up a lot of the time)...

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

This makes me feel better.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I just have a knack for always being high-strung. I just don't want to raise an unpleasant human being that you have to deal with one day when he goes on a year abroad. hah
This is the same kid who can sit down and concentrate on a jigsaw puzzle or lego model for hours. His... attention span is hilariously all over the place.

[keirf.livejournal.com]

"Mr. Jenner and I agreed that our next house will be on a hill."

What, like Peppa pig's family?

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

[far-gone.livejournal.com]

What is the food writing magazine? curious!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Alimentum
I have merely skimmed it but it looks promising. Like Gastronomica.
I am going to save it for the plane so I can pick it up and drop it.

[coneycat.livejournal.com]

there is a constant theme of Senor Onion not dealing well with impulse control or not being completely empathetic.

Based on my experiences teaching grades three and four, kids of eight and nine often have difficulty with impulse control and being empathetic. The fact you're taking this seriously now is very good, but don't let it get you down or make you feel like you're not doing a good job as a mother--at his age and stage of development he's not good at seeing the other kid's point of view because he can't. That part of the wiring isn't hooked up yet--but the fact you're working on it with him means it will be.

Honestly, I don't know how parents do it. I've got so much respect for the job you do with Senor Onion and Miss Plum!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I figure if I keep talking to him and setting limits and just modeling...one day he might get it.

[jillithian.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you are doing exactly what you should and Senor Onion is as well. Who says you stop learning when you pass the age of 18?

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Here is to hoping it works.

[needlediva.livejournal.com]

there was a certain small boy who shall remain nameless,to whom i was constantly saying "how would you feel if someone did that to you?" it was like a mantra. over and over and over. said it when he was mean to a playmate, said it when he smashed a spider for the fun of it. over and over and over. i dont think i've had to say it to him recently. at least i hope not. he's 26 now.
they do get it eventually. what matters is that you are telling him. what scared me then and scares me still are the parents who dont say anything, who seem to think that meanness and physical cruelty are normal and acceptable.
Senor Onion is a caring, kind little boy. you are starting from a better place than many. it all takes time.
(as mrs. h. used to say, there's always one to keep you humble. i figure if SHE felt that way, it was ok for the rest of us to feel that way too.)

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Yes. We do a lot of conversations about how he might feel if someone did that. This kid is going to be so in touch with his feelings by the time we are done.
Yeah. I want him to understand that cruelty is not acceptable. So much damn stuff you have to teach a human.
Boy was Mrs. H ever right.