the hypocritical cake eater.

[gfrancie]

Cakes gone wild. This is significant after a conversation with mockduck. I noticed that there is a significant trend of themed birthday cakes for children. (in particular in England. keen use of fondant) It isn't a bad thing (often they are impressive)
I have done exactly one theme cake. It was such a terrific bother that I thought, "fuck this noise." My Mother inlaw and my brother inlaw have a history of doing ornate theme cakes. Hey power to them for attempting this. I am a fairly lazy mother (I like to think of it as a philosophy. The mantra is, "eh") so I just bake up a pretty simple cake (in whatever flavor the kids ask for) and then put some frosting on it and maybe a decorative pick or two (and candles) and call it a day. It doesn't require me to stay up late trying to be the pastry chef I am not.
I love my kids. Truly.
I just fucking hate most theme cakes. And if I am honest with you, the ones I have tried have never tasted all that good. The cake is slightly dry, the frosting cloying. But I am guessing flavor is an afterthought for these suckers. Many wedding cakes suffer from this affliction. Though like the late dearly beloved Queen Mother, I do get pretty excited about cake at a wedding. FREE CAKE. I will eat your dry cake and thank you for it. But afterward I will think, "could have been better."
Maybe this year once I move, I will succumb to the English lure of theme cakes. And because I am such an utter bastard, I will make that cake taste good. I am going to help out that nation with their cakes. (because they need a little help)

Comments

[todayiamadaisy]

I am a child of the Australian Women's Weekly Birthday Cake Cookbook. Amongst my primary school cohort, it was unheard of not to have a shaped cake. Just the other day, I saw a stand-up comedian singing a song about the year his mum promised to make the train cake from that book. All he had to do was say TRAIN CAKE and we all knew what he meant.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

It was interesting when they mentioned that book. I saw a copy once and it is rather interesting. A relation of my husband's gave me some variation on the book. Some of the ideas were interesting but I kept feeling that the cakes didn't taste very good. I am kind of jerk about this detail. So much bad cake. It is like so much bad sex. It ruins a good time.

[todayiamadaisy]

Well, yes. I was lucky enough to have a mother who could make a good cake from a recipe of her own choosing, but there are poor children who had to suffer an inferior cake, even though it was shaped amusingly. Such deprivation.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Poor children.
Tsk.
Might as well beat them with sticks. Hee.

[ooxc.livejournal.com]

I know someone who does wonderful things with sugar, but I son't see the point of simply blanketing cake shapes in fondant icing -

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I can see why people go for the fondant. It requires less skill than buttercream. Fondant is great in many ways and you can do some interesting things. But the flavor of a lot of fondant is atrocious.

[ooxc.livejournal.com]

As far as I've seen, it usually gets left on people's plates. I suspect that the main point of those cakes is as a table centre, rather than for eating

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I have a cousin who is a pastry chef, so she works with sugar in amazing ways but it obviously requires years of practice/effort to refine things so that you have that balance of style and substance.

[mockduck.livejournal.com]

Because they need a little help

I am going to make you eat The Boy's cake before you make a statement like that.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Like I said, i am sure the Boy does good cake. But A LOT of people don't.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

You know who has so-so cake recipes? Saint delia.

[far-gone.livejournal.com]

After a particularly arduous birthday cake experience I came to the conclusion that the kids didn't care. In fact it gave me an existential crisis bc if the kids didn't care than was the cake all about me? So now I usually let them decorate their own cake or have all their friends frost cupcakes as part of the party. That said this year we are doing jr paintball with a professional fondant monstrosity: http://www.campaign-paintball.com/campaign/cakes.php
Gotta be flexible! And he's excited about the cake. :)

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

see that sounds like fun.

[debodacious.livejournal.com]

I estimate that I probably made between 24 and 30 themed cakes back in the day - everything from Thomas the Tank Engine to guitars A lot of theme cake recipes are variants of madeira cake which can be dry. I usually based mine on chocolate fudge cake and eschewed fondant icing where possible in favour of buttercream. Most were very good with one or two blips. Like the scary looking teddy bear which made the birthday girl recipient cry in terror. And the year the candles set fire to the sails on the pirate ship. Happy days

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Oh god the madeira cake. A fate worse than death.

I don't know... cake flambe sounds exciting.

[ooxc.livejournal.com]

Madeira cake can be delicious- but it's very expensive to make - huge quantities of eggs and butter -

[stevieannie.livejournal.com]

My horrible ex-sister-in-law (thank G*d she's an ex) threw a party for her two year old at 'Rock City' (huh?) and made him a "dinosaur" cake which had the driest maderia cake EVAH, blanketed by thick, thick royal icing dyed BLACK. It was the worst cake I have ever experienced.

My kids were pooping tar for days afterwards :-(

I'm a great believer in following my mother's example of a birthday cake being the very best sponge you can do (and I do great sponges), slathered in buttercream and spelling out the age on the top with Smarties. I've not had any complaints yet!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Bwahahaha oh my gosh that made me laugh and laugh.

Sponge and buttercream seems like the way to go.

[mme-printed.livejournal.com]

I'll never forget when my mom made a Peter Rabbit cake for my sister's third birthday. Soooo much hard work put into it. And then... all the kids started crying that we were eating Peter :(

And if I am honest with you, the ones I have tried have never tasted all that good.

To me, a theme cake is the bakery equivalent of one of those awful suburban McMansions. All glitzy and ornate on the outside, but made with the cheapest of cheap drywall. The focus is on the look instead of what's inside.

I think theme cakes are more of a way for parents to outdo each other. The kids just want the sugar.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I think in many cases, people do the cakes out of genuine love. They may not bake a cake often but they do want to show their kid that they love them to bits. Cooking is definitely one of those open acts of love but there are people who use it as means to be competitive. (often their cakes are pretty awful)
I do like that analogy of being the Mcmansion of cakes.

[claritapita.livejournal.com]

Your wedding cake is still the most delicious one that I have ever tasted.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Silverwater cafe made it. They do good cake. It is all about copious amounts of fat.

[upna.livejournal.com]

http://www.sprinklebakes.com/2011/03/crown-jewel-cake.html

Ahem! This one!! Also:

Also: http://www.tastespotting.com/detail/91301/Mondrian-Cake-from-the-San-Francisco-MoMa

I agree with you that theme cakes are lacking in the inherent cake department. All the fluff and bother...not very tasty. But perhaps there is new territory to explore? I am interested in this marriage of jello and red velvet...

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Poke cake. I've eaten my share of it. It is unholy and strangely fun to eat. Horrifying though.

[emily-swank.livejournal.com]

All I know is, my 14 year old should never have let on that he is a "brony" because he is getting the most cacophonous, multi-colored, frosting-abused, sprinkle-laden My Little Pony cake that Albertsons has to offer. And rainbow sherbet.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I love how you think. I hope that cake will make people poop rainbows for a week to ten days.

[rebeccmeister.livejournal.com]

I am definitely opposed to fondant-based "pretty" cakes. Play-doh for grownups (tastes like it, too).

The polar opposite, in my mind, would be something like a well-done buche de noel. Now there's a cake with style AND substance. But it's not a birthday cake.

I've gotten into interesting surface decoration/texture moments with powdered sugar or cocoa powder. That can be fun and interesting without requiring 32 hours of preparatory work - just make a stencil for the desired shape and go for it.

One of the things I most strongly admire about Fran Bigelow's cookbook _Pure Chocolate_ is that all of her recipes are based on substance, and yet they still manage to incorporate delicious, good-looking decorative elements. They're grown-up cakes, though.