arrangement

[gfrancie]

I've been wanting to go to London and it became real to me, that dammit I COULD go to London. Here I am on the other side of the world and I can do that right now and I should take full advantage of such a situation. I was filled with anxious and that sense of weird guilt I have about this kind of thing. I don't mind traveling/doing things in the abstract but I have this skewed perspective at times that I must always make sure that as many people as possible should be made happy by my happiness, which is great much of the time. I am a weird eldest child who has never quite fought certain parts of myself. It sort of took Mr. Jenner convincing me that I wasn't being the most selfish person alive by going and doing something for myself. He is a good soul for making me uncomfortable in a good way. He will always be the person to know when to push me out the door when I become paralyzed by being the mere thought of being out of my immediate comfort zone. He's gentle about that but will say, "well if you are miserable you can always leave, but you will be much more bothered if you don't go." He is incredibly patient for someone married to such a basket case. I suppose it balances out. I gently pull him out of the house and have him see the world. I let him be his introverted self most of the time. The man who is happy to be at home doing his projects and then I say, "HEY let's do this. Let's go there!!!" He doesn't show a lot of enthusiasm but I just have to show him stuff, pictures, ideas, and then he will go with it.
This is one of those comforting things about being with someone for a good while. You know when to pull the other person and just let them be.

So I am going to London for a couple of days next month. I will see a few things, I will see a few people, (or maybe a lot.) I will look at things, and observe. Lots of observing. Then I will bring home presents and things and be happy to be with my family once again.

Comments

[artemis-moon.livejournal.com]

sounds like you will have a fabulous time.
my husband is an introvert too, wanting to be home to work on projects, watch his shows, etc. Two things he is spontaneous about...having friends over for a game night, and going out to a movie...both of which--especially the first one--makes me panic and having no time to get ready.
a good friend of mine is spending this weekend at Lopez island away from her kid and husband. She was positively glowing just thinking of being able to have quiet moments, browse a store at her leisurely pace, and read her novel. I think it is one of the best things one can do for herself.
It re-energizes moms to do more for their families too--so it is a win-win!

[actually-not.livejournal.com]

Yay! Get the train into Paddington and I will take you for cake and tea at Patisserie Valerie.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a fair deal. I should be arriving in London on the 14th, early afternoon. So we should definitely meet for tea and cake. I will see if I can bring you baked goods. If they are all right, you can be smug about them on FB & LJ.

[actually-not.livejournal.com]

Marvellous. I shall tweet about them too :)

[oreouk.livejournal.com]

Yay, coming to London. We could have a big gfrancie meetup if that's not too weird for including people that have just wandered onto your blog through remote connections. Patisserie Valerie for the win.

This evening my husband is going out go karting with his department from work. I am actually shocked because I literally cannot remember the last time he voluntarily did something with his colleagues out of work hours. He doesn't even ever ask me to bake for him to take into the office, which given I bake for everyone else in the family is surreal to me.

[amamama.livejournal.com]

Perfect! I hope you'll have a brilliant time - no, I'm sure you'll have a brilliant time. London is, after all, absolutely lovely, and caters to any interest. :-) And being in a mutual supportive relationship is indeed awesome.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Yes. I think you are quite right. I realize it has been a good long while since I have been in London. I went through London in May 2011 to go on the Eurostar BUT I haven't had a chance to wander around London since 2005. (which was a few months before I got married.)

[emmabovary.livejournal.com]

I have this skewed perspective at times that I must always make sure that as many people as possible should be made happy by my happiness

I share this trait with you. I'm glad to read someone else is like this, because it is one of my characteristics I always found odd and co-dependentlike.

The only time in 17 years of being a mom that I ever got away by myself is last year, to attend a conference in California. My sense of glee was unmeasurable. Truly. The last day of my visit, which was devoted to sightseeing and shopping by myself, I literally high-fived an imaginary person in my hotel room. I felt light and radiant.

It's not that I'm unhappy as a mother and a partner; far from it. It's just so relentless and so much responsibility. I wish I could have more 'by myself' time; it would be soul-enhancing and beneficial, but almost impossible to engineer.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I wonder if it is a trait born from living with a sociopath? That thing of wanting to make sure someone else is happy so that there is some calm in your environment?

It was really weird going to the lit festival last month. I was only gone for 24 hours but I did feel a sense of glee and it kind of gave me enough time to relax so that I could go back home and feel more energized about things. I can definitely see how it is difficult in your situation (especially as a single parent) Damn, it makes a person extra grateful for a reliable partner. If only there were more universal aunties to help out single parents.

[emmabovary.livejournal.com]

I wonder if it is a trait born from living with a sociopath? That thing of wanting to make sure someone else is happy so that there is some calm in your environment?

That's def one of our common denominators, yes.

I have to clarify that it's not like I'm never apart from my kids. My ex has them every other weekend, and I used to --pre-Phil--have that as my alone time. What I meant to say, and I did not say this clearly, is that I never went away to a new place by myself without my children. I did travel to meet up with friends or boyfriends once in awhile, but nothing like you are intending to do...take off alone and explore a place on your own with no committments. That is something I find very energizing.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Yeah. It is a weird thing. I figure this will be valuable not just for me but in a way for the family. I think of how I used to do stuff like this a long time ago.

[jillithian.livejournal.com]

Sounds fantastic. I can't wait to live vicariously through you and your trip to London. Have some delicious food for me!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I will do my best.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

Yes! You will have a lot of fun. I hope you will take many pictures for us?

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

It's what I do.

[agentxpndble.livejournal.com]

You *should* take advantage - GO EVERYWHERE. Oh, I'm *so* green right now...

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I promise many pictures. Have you seen the new Bond yet?

[agentxpndble.livejournal.com]

I won't get a chance until after Thanksgiving but I am soooooooo in the mood - Been watching the last two over and over and over...

[photosexual.livejournal.com]

Say hello to the ravens for me. ;)

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Oh I will. I saw them a few years back and they were enormous. It is kind of hilarious.