The Real Life Adventures of a man named Alan Parsons...and his project....

And now a real conversation between Andrew and I.

Me:I just posted that you were molesting me and how you get excited when doing cross-words.
Andrew:I can't believe you did that. You can't do that.
Me:Yeah well I did. I did, I did. What are you going to do about it?
Andrew:I think...I will fuck you.
Me:Oh really? Maybe I will post that.
Andrew:I will get a good review.
Me:Oh you think so? Awfully sure of yourself.

*laughs* Imagine sex being reviewed like a book or a movie.

"It was a solid performance by all, nothing new or different but a well-timed performance and bit of choreography. Definitely a person to have sex with on a daily basis."

Now to have some toast.

Joan Crawfod was a man with great shoes.

Oh my sweet Mary Mother of God the new "Vanity Fair" came out today. *sighs with joy* It is their annual Hollywood issue. It is so wickedly gratifying. It is right up there with sex and chocolate.
We have the typical broads on the cover but the photo pictorial... *touches herself* Oh lord.
It has Jack Black, Jude Law, Michael "fucking" Caine, Hot Brooding Colin Firth action, Johnny Depp, and Orlando "look at me touch my hot crotch" Bloom.
And....some other people.
This is worth driving many miles and purchasing it for your own bath time.
I sold something like ninety million copies of the delicious goodness that is the glossy magazine of name-dropping, and periodic meeting of the mutual admiration society.
Eat it up America. Eat it up.


In other news....

I spent the morning being paid to read The New Yorker, Vanity Fair and People magazine all so I could find out the right books to put on display.
I read a rather funny review by Anthony Lane (in the New Yorker) about the new memoir, "HollyWood Animal" by Joe Eszterhas (who is famous for writing "Basic Instinct" and "Showgirls" or as I like to call them, "Crotchcity I" and "Crotchcity II") It was one of those snarky reviews where the person can't quite respect the book but enjoys it for all its worth.
Probably the best line to come out of this particular book and any book so far this year has to do with Eszterhas explaining why he left Hollywood, "I didn't want my boys to go trick-or-treating at Kenny G's or Gary Busey's house."
*laughs* Oh that made my lunch.

Gary Busey...*laughs some more*

....

Well Sweet Caroline I do believe I should sit on the sofa and read my magazine. I will have cookies with it.

tired broad.

It is a pity that Howard Dean isn't doing so well.
He is rather attractive.
Yep, I said it. I think Howard Dean is hot.

Anyways...so I finished my resume. robiewankenobie won the contest with the simple brilliance of the objective. I figure it is better to have a simple to the point one then nothing at all.
Now to convince the world that they want me more then ice cream.
Come on world.
Hire me. I don't want any more spider veins.