Live from the scene!!!!!

Dear Livejournal of mine have I stories and adventures to share with you.

Mr. Jenner and I went out to dinner tonight. (I will talk more about dinner tomorrow when I am not so keyed up) My Mother came over to watch Senor Onion. It was great. She gets her dose of the world's most perfect Grandson, plus my delicious cooking and we go out like grown-ups.
Mr. Jenner and I realized that we hadn't been out to dinner as a couple, sans baby...since well.. ever.
Yeah. I know.
It was lovely.
We drove home and about two blocks from our house when a van sped into the intersection and I had the distinct experience of crashing head on into said van.
Yes.
Well.
My sentiments exactly.
And by gosh everyone is right, just as you get into a car accident things go by v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y.
I recall screaming "ohmahgawd". I mean what else do you scream? "oh great Gods of Zeus this is most inconvenient. May Hera smite the other vehicle."
Yeah.
Though maybe "FAWK" is probably a close second.
Airbags deployed. The car stopped. I looked at Mr. Jenner. He was fine. I was fine.
We were alive. Things smelled funny. I leapt out of the car and found a whole slew of witnesses.
I then leaned in and turned off the car and told Mr. Jenner to get the hell out of the vehicle.
Then the usual formalities.
"Hello other vehicle driver. How are you? What are your thoughts on the works of Trollope? Have you seen Juno? Doesn't it just seem a trifle obvious? Yeah. I know. Don't you totally want to do Clive Owen? We all do."
I had a look at myself. I was fine. I had a bruised thumbnail and I was in total shock. There was some "ha.ha.ha.... ohmygosh I just had an accident. I am okay." All in a high pitched squirrely voice. A little manic sounding.
Mr. Jenner was completely fine. A little shook up. But not like Elvis. Less lip curling and hanging out with 13 year old Army brats. (oh snap Priscilla)
Then it got seriously funny.
All the witnesses started shouting, "oh lady that wasn't your fault. That was totally the vans fault."
The passenger of the fan said, "sucka' you don't want to be saying that. I will mess with you."
THEN? The witnesses were threatening to have it on with the van passenger.
Yeah. Rumble in the Valley!!!!!
Okay so no fight. But a fair amount of yelling.
These two old ladies (they are sisters) were having a shouting match with two young guys.
My money was on the old ladies.
In my shocked out state I said in my squirrely voice, "Hey now, everyone let's calm down. No one is blaming anyone. Let's just sort things out."
Look at me. In my shocked state playing Mother hen.
"everyone play nice and there will be chocolate milk and biscuits."
I had a chat with 911. The police showed up. Reports were taken. (alas no reports on, "What I did last Summer" or "Narwhal; mythical unicorn of the North")
The car? The car... well it looks like the front reared up and threw up all over the street. It isn't pretty. Not even a little make-up and a jaunty hat could save its current look. It was also leaking like a baby.
I remember thinking, "oh I so don't want to tell my Mom about this. She will worry." This is why we didn't call her immediately to say we had been in an accident. I called her and said, 'oh we are on our way home.' Yeah. Big liar I am.
I also thought, "I want to hold my baby. I need my baby."
More chatter with police, tow truck was called and we grabbed the car seat and walked home.
Gave my Mother the grand news.
"Hey Mom, you are taking a taxi to the ferry."
She was agog as any Mother should be.

I am alright.
We are all alright.
My neck is a trifle stiff as it should be after a thrill like that.
I think I need a massage.
I think there is some percocet somewhere in the house.
Only I could misplace handy-dandy percocet.

Mr. Jenner and I have never been in a car accident before. I told Mr. Jenner, "oh hey we lost our car accident virginity with each other. How hot is that?"

And lo, that was our Sunday evening.