arrangement

I've been wanting to go to London and it became real to me, that dammit I COULD go to London. Here I am on the other side of the world and I can do that right now and I should take full advantage of such a situation. I was filled with anxious and that sense of weird guilt I have about this kind of thing. I don't mind traveling/doing things in the abstract but I have this skewed perspective at times that I must always make sure that as many people as possible should be made happy by my happiness, which is great much of the time. I am a weird eldest child who has never quite fought certain parts of myself. It sort of took Mr. Jenner convincing me that I wasn't being the most selfish person alive by going and doing something for myself. He is a good soul for making me uncomfortable in a good way. He will always be the person to know when to push me out the door when I become paralyzed by being the mere thought of being out of my immediate comfort zone. He's gentle about that but will say, "well if you are miserable you can always leave, but you will be much more bothered if you don't go." He is incredibly patient for someone married to such a basket case. I suppose it balances out. I gently pull him out of the house and have him see the world. I let him be his introverted self most of the time. The man who is happy to be at home doing his projects and then I say, "HEY let's do this. Let's go there!!!" He doesn't show a lot of enthusiasm but I just have to show him stuff, pictures, ideas, and then he will go with it.
This is one of those comforting things about being with someone for a good while. You know when to pull the other person and just let them be.

So I am going to London for a couple of days next month. I will see a few things, I will see a few people, (or maybe a lot.) I will look at things, and observe. Lots of observing. Then I will bring home presents and things and be happy to be with my family once again.