gentle

I am feeling a lot of things today. It is the point that I have to pull myself back in as it were because the overload of emotions just makes me snappy. I want to tell perfectly nice and well-meaning people to fuck off. "You there.... fuck off." "Your opinion? Fuck off." "New Bowie album? who the fuck cares." "You want to know what I am up to? Well fuck off."
So I have to pause, have a glass of water and remember that this is just today and tomorrow there will be a different day. So yeah, I need to continue with telling that inner asshole to calm down and have a nap.

I took down the very last of the decorations. Things are spare but nice. There is this enormous pile of new books that should hold me through the next couple of months. Christmas and my birthday were good to me in terms of crowding the bookshelf. My Mom gave me a couple of books that are very old. One was her Mother's favorite book ever. Two were books that remain to this very day, my Mom's favorite books from her childhood. Both quite rare and beautiful.

The kids went back to school today. They handled this return to routine pretty well. Other than complaints about one's uniform feeling weird, and the bother of having to go out in the rain.

I am going to make some pasta with a bit of salami and peas. I am going to read a book. I am going to take a bath. I am going to hang out with my family because they are fun people.

Feelings will change.