it goes by so fast.

Friday morning my Mother in law and I stopped to visit her Mother in law. (Mr. Jenner's Grandma) She had that bad fall a couple of years ago and it left her with a form of dementia. There was a lot of trauma surrounding the fall, and trying to find her the right care home that could help her (because she had a number of issues before settling down.) and allow her to get settled. She still asks when she gets to leave, but it isn't as emotional for her as it once was. I last saw her in October after the family wedding we attended. It was a good chat. (there women who married Jenners) I found that if we talked about things that happened long ago, she could concentrate on that better. I knew that she had been the only child of a couple who had gotten a late start in life. (She was born in the twenties and her family was a fine example of what the great war had done. The trouble of finding a husband, and a load of maiden aunts because there weren't any men left.) She told us about how her Mother had wanted to adopt another child, but her Father had said, "no, we aren't bringing in some ruffian into this house." He had been some sort of high up civil servant, and they had a load of money and this child to dote upon. Mr. Jenner's Grandma was kind of a rebel in doing as she pleased. After all she went and married a musician. (her parents thought it was madness.) My Mother in law, brought up a family sailing trip in the seventies. Mr. Jenner's parents, Grandparents, and my Father in law's youngest brother sailed the boat from the Thames estuary to Calais, and then up the coast past Belgium, to Holland. They talked about the adventures they had, the food they ate, and sea sickness. Betty was on form them.
We talked about my Mother in law's Father dying, and Betty was honest and said, "I am ready to go. I've had my fill. I've had a good life." It's been an experience wading into the realness of mortality the past couple of weeks. The family has a lot of emotions about Betty's state. (My Father in law hates to see his Mother, because she isn't who she once was. His youngest brother feels the same way. The middle brother is truly the most stoic of the bunch, because he handles so many details surrounding her care, and sees her the most often.) It is obviously hard for everyone to watch someone drift away. Because I am a step removed, I find myself in a calm state when I have seen her. I just tell myself, "this is who she is now." I told my Mother in law that I sort of approach her personality a bit like a small child, in that I don't make her feel bad if she doesn't get something right, offer sympathy, and sort of re-direct when she gets a bit confused. I had an absolutely lovely visit with her. We had biscuits and tea. I told her about the kids and what they were up to, we talked about delicious chocolate and clothes. (we hit it off years ago, because I was just as interested in clothes and food as she was.) She said a few times, "Enjoy all the moments." "Cherish it -especially the kids. It goes by quick." So I keep the moment isolated as a wonderful one. Because it was.

Tomorrow we have Mr. Jenner's Granddad's funeral. It will be good to see people. My favourite part is always when there is food and good talk. There is a collective sigh. My relations don't seem to go in much for proper funerals. Their thing is a good party after the body has been sorted. You eat wonderful things, you might drink a bit too much, and you chat and chat and chat. It makes the pain a little easier. Fred had a good long go at life. He had excitement and adventure that changed his life for the better. He met a girl, fell in love, and married her. (and they were married for over 60 years.) They had kids, they went on adventures and saw a bit of the world. He ended up with a nice collection of grandchildren and great-grandchildren. He was interested in life and curious about things, and a lot of people cared about him. You can't ask for much more. I can't feel too sad. I do feel sad for Nanny D. But she has loads of people around to help her along on this new path.