finality

Yesterday we drove up to Somerset for the funeral. We showed up at Nanny D's, (I forget how many owls are in her home. LOADS.) where the place was heaving with relations and sandwiches. You will not starve with these people. It wasn't sunny but it wasn't rainy. This meant the kids could play out in the garden. At some point, S. (this is the daughter of my middle brother in law's girlfriend. Essentially a niece at this point.) tied up my hands because I agreed to play cops and robber with the kids. I was picked to be the robber. I would have to run around and they would catch me and take me to jail. She tied me up so well I couldn't get out. They also took my cell phone. They do not fuck around with the law in these parts. I had to go inside and get Mr. Jenner to untie me. It served a good purpose in making everyone laugh. Loads of photos everywhere. There is a GIANT one on the wall of nearly everyone. It was taken about a month after Senor Onion was born. It was the entire family with Grandpa Fred holding Senor Onion. He was pretty damn proud to have a great-grandchild. I looked so crazy in that picture and my sister in law looked sooooooo young. Not that she is haggard now, but it's several years later, and a set of twins.
I had sandwiches, talked to people, and mingled. Then it was time to go to church.
C of E business. Kinda Catholic but without the reliable floor show. I would say it is more Branson than Vegas, if you get my drift.
My sisters in law, and I went in with ALL of the children and found a spot in the middle, so that we could get out of there quick if someone had a melt down. Then it was time to get to it. The vicar came in saying prayers, followed by Nanny D, her children, and all of the grandchildren, and then the pall-bearers with the coffin. There were hymns, prayers, more hymns, a short speech by the vicar, some very nice tributes by Fred's three children. (touching, funny, and very sweet. It showed his personality and life well. A life well lived.) And then more hymns and prayers and things. K. (S's Mom) was wise and brought suckers for the older kids to work on. The twins asked their Mother a million questions. "Why is Nana up there? What is in that box? Why are we standing? Can we have a sweetie?" Miss Biscuit spent the entire time being an acrobat. She would sit under her chair, Then she was upside down in her chair. Then she wanted to stand. Then sit. And look at a book, and look at my phone, and then get under the chair, and then upside with her legs in the air, and whispering loudly, "THAT'S NANA?" "Where is Daddy?" Where did Grandpa go? A little mortifying but everyone later said that all of the children were very good and they didn't hear a peep from them. Maybe they were deaf with grief. I will take it.
Then it was time for Nanny, her kids, the grandkids to follow the coffin out again. They went with the body to the crematorium for a final private goodbye. We stayed with the great grandkids and everyone else in the hall. There was tea and cake. The children were the main attraction. Much admired and much heard about. The Mother's Union was in charge of the tea and cake, so they made sure the kids had drinks, and ALL of the cake. People would come up and say, "So who is everyone? Is this everyone???" Senor Onion took things in hand and introduced everyone, told their ages, and how everyone was related. He even pointed out that E. wasn't there today because he was off on a school field trip. (My sister in law decided that as the trip was paid for, it would be a better thing to go, and likely a more cheery day spent.) Senor Onion stole hearts with his personality. He charms the socks off of old ladies on a regular basis. The children found the bowl of sugar lumps and ate those while we got them cake. So they were zooming along. For awhile they ran around the church. Everyone kept saying, "Oh my, they are so cute. Look at that energy." My sisters in law and I drank tea, and said, "oof. I need a nap." and we talked about stuff in the village, in between talking to people. I swear everyone in that church knew loads about me. I am famous in England you know. I don't know everyone but everyone knows me. I had long chats about how I like it here, and how did I find the weather and the people. They really want me to like the place. Like a yenta selling a potential spouse.
Once the rest of the family came back, had tea and cake, and got their bearings, it was time to go back to Nanny's. In case you wanted some more tea or cake. The kids ran around some more, more chatting -had another great chat with my husband's Auntie L. (the one who is from Denmark.) Every time I see her, we have the best talks about meshing with the culture and adjusting. Then a chat with a family friend about everything. We did a lot of moving around that day. Then it was off to the pub en masse for dinner. Children ate free. Huzzah.
The day was spent eating in different environments and mingling with everyone. I am a pro at this. Eventually we said good byes. Hopefully the next get together will be less sad and in more colourful clothes.

I emailed my Mother in law today about something else and asked how she was doing. She said that today was emotional. She kept it together yesterday, but today threw her. So she was going to distract herself with tennis. A good way to channel those emotions.. extreme anxiety over Andy Murray nearly losing, suddenly finding himself very fucked, and finding his feet. What was that Murray? Your interpretive version of Dunkirk and the Battle of Britain via the form of tennis?

Tomorrow I have to go to a preschool sports day. This ought to be something else.