all this and more

There is constant tinkering as a parent. Trying to make sure they are doing their best. That they are safe. That they are doing all right. And then sometimes you feel like you are missing things. So you keep going.
Today Senor Onion's teacher came up to me after school (which is never fun. Oh nooooooooooo I think. My stomach drops.) and it seems he had punched a friend and shoved another kid into a wall. And it was really random. He completely lost his temper over something minor and his teacher thought it was really out of the blue. Usually there is a build-up, and he has made this massive effort to deal with his temper. He has learned a number of usual rituals for calming himself down when he feels really upset. But this was odd. He was spoken to, wrote down the rules, and they dealt with it on their end of things. The thing is... when he came out, he was WITH his friend he had punched, and they were hoping for a play-date. I said, "nope, sorry, not today." especially in light of today's events. I said to Senor Onion, "we need to talk about this when we get home." The thing is, when he has been in trouble, he tends to take it on the chin. He knows he has done something, and sits down and will talk about things with him. But today he was really quiet and obviously upset and said, "I don't want to talk about it." There wasn't any point in yelling.
We went home, I said, "no lap top today." And we began to talk about it. And that is when things went side ways. I mentioned how scary it must have been to have been on the receiving end of such violence, and I said, "How do you think you would have felt if someone had punched you? I'm guessing you wouldn't like it." And he said, "I probably would have been scared and hurt. Like I was when L. strangled me."
We had to pause the topic of conversation for a moment and I said, "Wait your friend L???" (because his very close friend L. is a super sweet/quiet kid.) Senor Onion said, "No, the older L. who is in the older class." And he proceeded to explain how this morning during the first break, L. had followed him and another friend around on the playground. And how Senor Onion and his friend kept following him, and how they were near the class three doors (which are slightly hidden from the main view of the playground.) and this older L. grabbed Senor Onion by the neck. Senor Onion said it hurt, and he couldn't breathe, and it was scary. We talked a bit about that. Now Senor Onion has mentioned this older L. a couple of times. He is known for annoying kids, and I have said in the past, "Do tell the teachers when this happens, so they can help you out and stop this kid from annoying/hurting you. But he hadn't. A part of me feels like I should have been more proactive about those minor moments.
And in a way it pieced together the suddenness of Senor Onion's actions. I asked him, "so how were you feeling after that?" And he said he wasn't feeling so great, and he felt upset about it.
Here is a kid who had been bullied, and was likely on edge when a moment of disagreement/teasing between friends got out of hand.
I immediately called his teacher and said, "I think we may have an answer." I made it clear that Senor Onion wasn't off the hook for his actions, and that there were consequences set in stone for his own behavior, BUT there was now a likely context. Things will be taken care of tomorrow at school. Senor Onion felt a lot better, and we made peace. I reminded him that no matter what I will always love him and that it is always important to talk to grown-ups when things are bothering you, or people are hurting you. That I will always believe him and make sure to help him. I kept pushing that point.
Still no lap-top tonight, but we will start fresh tomorrow. (which his teacher also agrees with big time.)

Of course now I want to know more about this L. kid and what might be going on with him, and why he is bothering younger kids like this. I was talking about this with my sister in law, and she said that her son E. had a similar sort of issue, and how he had been really reluctant to talk to teachers about his bullying.

Despite all of that, things are well. We went to bonfire night at my in laws last night. It was an incredibly pleasant time. A load of effigies were burned. I think my favorite was my nephew E. who made one that was to represent his IT teacher. It was the perfect weather, in that it was dry and clear and there was a harvest moon. (which added to the spookiness of things.) Then my Father in law set off fire-works (which could be seen all over the valley) while the kids had sparklers. We made the wise decision to feed all the cousins before the bonfire so they wouldn't become hangry AND cold. My Mother in law made mulled wine, and warm spiced apple juice. Everybody was there, and the kids had a delightful time. I had a good chat with my other sister in law, who is going to be induced on Friday!!!! BABIES!!!! She is so pleased to be done. The itching, the vomiting, the pain, and her liver trying to give up on her has made her keen to get this baby out. I told her we will stop by for a brief visit once she is home with the baby, but we won't hang about too long. "we will bring gifts, admire the baby, hold him if we're healthy so you can use the toilet on your own, and bring a bit of food, and then leave you in peace."
After the fireworks and fire. (It was a massive one.) the children played table tennis, and hung out by the fire, while the grown-ups ate their dinner. (best damn idea I have had in awhile.) Then we had brownies, marshmallows, whoopie pies, chocolate, and toffee sauce. All of the children were thoroughly sticky by the end. They went back to playing and got to stay up late. Totally worth it, and hardly any tears from anyone.