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Birthday hangover fun times! You don't even have to drink to feel that post-fun blergh my friends.
Miss Biscuit perked up pretty quick but we are having a quiet day. All those new presents to play with, and rain to hide from.
While I don't think I am experiencing a full-blown depressive episode, I am sorting out the fact that I haven't been my best for awhile. At least in terms of how I interact with people. Not a total asshole, but I could be kinder. If I have been a dick to you, I apologize. I am not pleased with myself. I also suspect that I really have to nail down my GP about the best way to deal with/manage the growing issues with PMDD. I am doing everything they tell you to do. I manage my diet, I exercise, I practice my cognitive therapy exercises. I try and be chill as the kids say, and I really don't want to go on birth control. And I really don't want to return to zoloft. (which was useful with my Post-partum anxiety/depression, but the side effects were a bother. No one wants to have their sex drive flat-line, and gain a bunch of weight.) It is a tricky thing to approach a GP about lady problems. I really can't just meander on down to the moon hut until the crazy subsides. I have a life to live. Dinner has to be made, a family has to be managed. But lordy, it is exhausting when you suddenly feel the urge to throw yourself in front of a bus, or you can't stand the sound of anything on the face of the earth because it drives you up the wall. And it might pass after a few days, but it is a lot of white-knuckling. Funny enough, just writing all of that down, kind of helps to ease the weirdness I feel about this kind of thing. I don't like laying this on my family for the most part because they have to hear about/witness my depression, and being up close to that is pretty exhausting no matter who you are. And those, "hugs" which are well-meaning just aggravate me more. My problems are small in comparison to others. The luckiest aggravated depressed middle class white lady in Cornwall I call myself.
On that note, I am going to make dinner, do some dishes, and tell myself that it will be all right. Because it usually is.
Miss Biscuit perked up pretty quick but we are having a quiet day. All those new presents to play with, and rain to hide from.
While I don't think I am experiencing a full-blown depressive episode, I am sorting out the fact that I haven't been my best for awhile. At least in terms of how I interact with people. Not a total asshole, but I could be kinder. If I have been a dick to you, I apologize. I am not pleased with myself. I also suspect that I really have to nail down my GP about the best way to deal with/manage the growing issues with PMDD. I am doing everything they tell you to do. I manage my diet, I exercise, I practice my cognitive therapy exercises. I try and be chill as the kids say, and I really don't want to go on birth control. And I really don't want to return to zoloft. (which was useful with my Post-partum anxiety/depression, but the side effects were a bother. No one wants to have their sex drive flat-line, and gain a bunch of weight.) It is a tricky thing to approach a GP about lady problems. I really can't just meander on down to the moon hut until the crazy subsides. I have a life to live. Dinner has to be made, a family has to be managed. But lordy, it is exhausting when you suddenly feel the urge to throw yourself in front of a bus, or you can't stand the sound of anything on the face of the earth because it drives you up the wall. And it might pass after a few days, but it is a lot of white-knuckling. Funny enough, just writing all of that down, kind of helps to ease the weirdness I feel about this kind of thing. I don't like laying this on my family for the most part because they have to hear about/witness my depression, and being up close to that is pretty exhausting no matter who you are. And those, "hugs" which are well-meaning just aggravate me more. My problems are small in comparison to others. The luckiest aggravated depressed middle class white lady in Cornwall I call myself.
On that note, I am going to make dinner, do some dishes, and tell myself that it will be all right. Because it usually is.
