Jan. 5th, 2017

gfrancie: (Margo Channing)
For the most part, my anger/disappointment (over Brexit, and the US election) kind of fuel me so that I don't fall into a certain place in the abyss. My MO tends to be, "Fuck this shit." The sort of person who grabs a bat and says, "Let's go fight fascists!!! Let's obstruct every god damn thing! Let's do this."

I was watching the Christmas special of "Outnumbered" and every so often a character would stare into the distance and look shell-shocked and dejected and someone would say, "you okay?" and they would respond, "Yeah... you know... Trump." (it was a funny gag) Then the other night I glanced at the calendar and saw how soon Trump's swearing in will be and there was that swoosh dropping feeling and I found myself staring into the middle distance (probably with that shocked look upon my face) "shit... this is really happening. Trump!?! This is real." At least with Brexit the chaotic limbo kind of allows us to tell ourselves the lie, "oh well... maybe it won't happen. Maybe people will wise up." (but then I remember British people sure love to suck down a bowl of misery, the way other people like to breathe. But on the other hand the present government is so busy trying to act like they have a plan, that they may beg for an extension like a shit student.) So it always remains just a tiny bit out of reach. But the stumpy-fingered wannabe in the poorly tailored suit who thinks he is gonna get respect... that bogeyman is real as hell. Him and all his goblins who are trying to gain favor so they can enjoy their pet project of fucking over America and the world. Never have I wanted so many to be shoved off a cliff like that terrible lemmings film. "oh they can't help themselves, they like leaping off of cliffs. wink wink"

I only allowed myself to sit with that terror for about five minutes. I have things to do. I have battles to fight. I give myself those five minutes now and then, and then dig deep to find more energy because like many there isn't a choice about giving up and walking away. There are human lives at stake, and I can't watch a bunch of assholes try and casually murder a bunch of people. So I do my little bit here and there. It seems so small but my hope is, that many small things will lead to better things and a little bit of relief now and then. I am trying to squash my fear and not let all those fuckos take my courage or anyone else's.

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gfrancie

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