rant of the month.

[gfrancie]

There has something that has been tumbling about in my head for awhile. I may end up offending some people but that isn't my intention but it is in regards to girls, ideas about gender identity and frilly dresses.

I was reading a blog the other day that is mostly about Motherhood and so on and the woman who writes the blog was speaking with pride about how her daughter doesn't have an interest in dresses and how she is dressed in jeans and t-shirts and isn't interested in dolls. There was this implication that somehow her daughter was some how better or "stronger" because she wasn't keen on "traditional" interests and wasn't a girly girl. I have also read blogs and heard some women speak with a sense of disdain when their daughter is into wearing frilly dresses, playing with dolls and spending a good portion of their time pretending to be princesses and all those traditional things.

It bothers me for many reasons.


I think if a little girl doesn't hold an interest in dresses, barbies, playing "house" and so on -that is fine. Every person from the beginning has their interests, grand passions and what is comfortable and familiar to them. But I do worry a great deal when a parent attempts to project certain ideas upon a child early on. If a little girl adores dressing up in a purple dress with plenty of lace and has on-going tea party with her dolls -then let her be. She isn't weak, she won't lack a backbone, she won't always rely on her looks to get by and be some co-dependent individual who is prone to marrying men who don't respect them and end up addicted to valium and reading badly written novels.


I was a little girl who loved her dresses and hair ribbons. I had plenty of dolls and a tea set. I took ballet and art lessons and so on. I am still kind of like that. I love the color pink, I wear a lot of skirts and one I suppose could describe me as a "girly-girl". (a term that seems offensive to the girl who doesn't hold my interests because they are just as much a girl as I am)
But don't doubt my sense of strength or what I can do. When I was a kid my favorite books were about bad-ass women in history, many of my friends were boys, I loved playing army and if need be I could kick the crap out of someone all while wearing a pink dress with flowers.
As an adult I like to wear high heels, bake cakes and I stay at home with my kid but I know how to sail and kayak. I can talk about Hobbes, Kate Chopin and George Eliot. I can survive out in the woods if I have to and I can still kick the crap out of someone in my pink dress.

It's as if there is a supposed sliding scale of strength/intelligence and the feminine that isn't allowed to be intertwined and some things are more superior or more respected by some. It seems a little antiquated to put everyone into such narrow definitions. It is also offensive to all women in general to say one identity is better than the other. The little girl who digs jeans and baseball is just as feminine as the one who wants to live in a castle with her ponies.

Comments

Re: Amen.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Yes! Sort of an extension of what you were talking about when kids don't have their feelings validated. "you don't feel this" "You don't like that"

Re: Amen.

[jess-faraday.livejournal.com]

I admit to having been guilty of the kind of pride-in-lack-of-frills you're talking about, as well as jokingly rolling my eyes when my daughter began to be interested in frills.

It bothers me, too. It's as if to liberate girls from the limitations traditionally placed on females, some people (including me, subconsciously) try to eradicate the feminine.

And this sends an equally destructive message: "what you're interested in is not important."

Excellent post, and excellent reminder to support The Girl's definition of her own femininity, however it may differ from my own.

Re: Amen.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I suppose a bit of responsibility lays with the rhetoric of second-wave feminism. The idea being that you had to set aside "being a girl" to be taken seriously by the men. (just take a look at the fashions of the early 80's that women in corporate america wore) Which seems a little silly because it was almost saying that being female was weak and that to be taken seriously you had to be like a man.

Jane seems like a girl who will rock her pink dress while out-climbing the boys -which is a terrific balance.

I think that maybe people are still adjusting to the idea that one doesn't have to be on a side. or be extreme.