You want to talk about something being too dull-making?

[gfrancie]

I am kind of at this point sans meds where things are pretty cool for the most part. Though there is this one thing. When I initially reduced my meds last Fall, I went through a period in the month of November where I was depressed. It was really surprising in a way because I felt really angry and it took me awhile to figure out what was going on with me. "oh hey you know depression. Remember that decade-long depressive episode where you felt this low all of the time?" It passed within a few weeks. It was mostly my brain trying to re-wire itself.
So I am doing that again.

It is fairly mild in the grand scheme of things. It will pass. I think just telling Mr. Jenner out loud helped. "yeah I am kind of depressed but it is okay. I am not going to do an impression of Virginia Woolf or anything." At least I am getting some good jokes out of this. I will say that so many things become funny to me when I am depressed. (which doesn't make a bit of sense but this is how it works.)

The real bother is that nothing seems like much fun at the moment -when it should. Even cooking is just a dreary prospect at times. I do it though. If I keep cooking, keep leaving the house and keep doing the daily thing, I will get through this. On that note I can't make any promises on the social front. The idea of facing most social occasions makes me want to lie down on the floor for awhile. "you mean I have to put on pants... and talk to people? Why not just ask me to climb Mt. Rainier this afternoon while you're at it." The other bother is trying to make decisions. "I could do this? Or should I do that...meh." YET, I am having a good time with my kids. We aren't doing too much but I feel this sense of grace in that being with my kids and doing the inane stuff like helping with lego and reading books makes me feel okay.

You know it is bad when you find yourself eating vegan cookies.

Comments

[the-sybil.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Every time I've stopped a course of anti-depressants, I've had an experience like this - sometimes much worse than the original depression was. It's one of the reasons I never intend to take anti-depressants again unless there's really no other option.

I think it's actually a pretty common experience, but doctors tend to assume that it's a recurrence of the original depression and put the patient straight back on the meds again. But you're right, it WILL pass in a few weeks. Until then, don't ask too much of yourself, and take care of yourself. Keep eating the vegan cookies :)

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I am lucky in that my doctor recognized last time that it was the withdrawals. She was the one to say, "it will pass, you have to ride it out for a bit but if it gets too bad we will figure out something."

I HATE vegan cookies, yet here I am. Eating the stupid things because they are there and it distracts me. Maybe it gives something to blame the low feelings. "well shit, I am eating this lousy cookie no wonder I feel bad." *snorts*

[rebeccmeister.livejournal.com]

Oh no, I wasn't worried about you until I read about the vegan cookies!

It is absolutely fantastic to be able to recognize what you're going through, and just as importantly, realize that it will pass. Take care!

[sahara-harp.livejournal.com]

I hope you feel better soon.

[monkeytonic.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear. I totally, 100% know what you mean.

[ms-pooka.livejournal.com]

i can't believe you just said that about the vegan cookies.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I am not a vegan cookie sort of person. Some can be okay. It isn't that I think others shouldn't eat it -because hey, even Vegan people like yourself need some sweetness in your life.
But I am sitting here eating these vegan cookies from Trader Joe's. They aren't that great. And I eat them. because they are there and it is an attempt to try and distract myself from the overwhelming sadness I feel. If I just put food on top of that feeling maybe I will stop feeling this way. It doesn't work. I sit there and try and think of ways to make this feeling go away. So vegan cookies it is.

[ms-pooka.livejournal.com]

i've been known to eat my work stress away. which is nice because if i'm having work stress, it also means i likely don't have time to go to the gym. which is one of the reasons i still don't fit into most of my clothing. and that's WITHOUT cookies, vegan or no.

but god help me when there are cookies in the house. which is why i rarely bake.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

nom nom feelings all gone.

[neptunia67.livejournal.com]

Oh, no! Not VEGAN COOKIES!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

yep.

[cusackam.livejournal.com]

Ack Vegan!!! Take care, and stay away from questionable cookies!

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

I think I want to upgrade to real cake today. Maybe cinnamon rolls!

[mme-printed.livejournal.com]

Vegan cookies?

Oh honey, just... no.

That is not to make light of the more serious aspects of this post, but you are better than vegan cookies.

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Its's okay. I upgraded to a fruit terrine.

[artemis-moon.livejournal.com]

good thing you can laugh about it. Funny you should mention not wanting to go to social events in the way you did. Last time someone invited us somewhere, my husband whined, "it seems like such a chore! I have to get dressed nice and buy beer! I would rather not." lol. Sometimes putting on pants is just too much, with or without depression.

I have never read Ms Woolf, is she particularly depressing?

[gfrancie.livejournal.com]

Putting on pants is a major hurdle in life.

The thing about Virginia Woolf is that she suffered from depression and one day she had had enough so she filled her pockets with rockets and then drowned herself in a river.

[artemis-moon.livejournal.com]

don't you mean rocks? lol.

[needlediva.livejournal.com]

does chocolate therapy help? because that was my port of call many times. many, many times.

[scream4noreason.livejournal.com]

Im also coming off meds which is why Im not posting much. I hope to get back into it soon. I wish you all the best with what youre currently going through.