![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
The day tried to wrestle me to the floor and for awhile it looked like it was going to win. The overwhelming frustration of our transient state, caring for a sick child, trying to put this house together, Trying to keep the laundry on the line because it kept trying to escape in the wind, (and nearly slipping on the saturated ground as I tried to fix things) the never-ending dark weather, and you know... all of the things. I was getting wound up. Even when the kids are asleep and I am in the bath late at night, I hear coughs, and the house creak, and all of it weighing down on me. Such trivial matters but I can't quite escape from them.
I was pretty fucking grumpy.
We need a wardrobe for our room, since we don't have one. (we left ours in the states and moved into a house that had built in closet space for all of that, so a year and a half later we are starting from scratch with some of our furniture.) They can be pricey, and then there is the whole business of delivery, and I didn't want some particle board nonsense. I was making middle class noises about wanting some thing permanent while we wait. I wanted to throw a tantrum about all of it.
BUT the weather was clear enough, Mr. Jenner was available to watch over Miss Biscuit and her river of snot, and I threw on my running stuff and said, "I am fucking going out. I am not sure if I will return." I have to be dramatic sometimes.
A new running route to test out. It wasn't a great run in terms of how my body is doing but I needed to sweat and be out of breath. I had to get rid of all that anxiety and depression. I was half-listening to music, and taking in the new scenery. I ran along a road that dips down into a valley and then goes up and meets a slightly larger road. Mostly fields, sheep, streams, and the occasional house. Ancient cob houses with windows that are smaller than ours. Things to remind me that I can't bitch. More sheep, more mud, more bramble, and more running. I came home past our enormous wall, just as the rain came in.
I felt like I had a slightly clear head for the first time in weeks. I could look at everything with a bit more calm. I had a good chat with Mr. Jenner about the state of things. He is also tired of the hurry up and wait of life right now, and how we have been good sports and existing the way we do. We chose this path, but sometimes you feel like you are in some kind of waiting room. He is always so calm and measured, while I like to throw things and moan about it. He says that is okay. Someone has to do the moaning and yelling. I joked that he has to ration out strong emotions because The British were only given so many. I got enough strong feelings to power a medium sized country for a year. I cover his short-fall. It's a good relationship. We both felt a lot better. I found a wardrobe. It isn't particle board. It is something definite in our lives. And it was on sale and it could be delivered. Then the damn thing wasn't available. So I found something else and it is even better and slightly cheaper. On the 14th it will arrive. Happy Valentine's Day baby. I told him, "This can count as a gift because it will provide great joy and comfort to the bedroom." In that I won't be digging through all of the clothes in suitcases like a crazy person every morning.
I gave up on the laundry as it was going to storm all afternoon and evening. So into the dryer it went. Miss Biscuit is improving but she isn't quite there. But we had fun. The Nan of one of Senor Onion's schoolmates offered me a bunch of clothes and fancy-dress outfits for Miss Biscuit. Her Granddaughter is built a lot like Miss Biscuit and I thought it was really sweet that she thought of her. Now Miss Biscuit has another pirate costume, a bat girl costume, a Jasmine costume, and a few other swish things. Plus a bunch of leggings, trousers, and skirts. You can never have too many of those. AND a pair of Hello Kitty boots. Miss Biscuit wore those boots all over the house today. They are fluffy. "THESE are the best thing ever." she said to me.
I put away a load of books. Something is coming together. Mr. Jenner's workshop is beginning to take shape, he has an office, our INTERNET started working tonight (a day early!) and THEN? I got to watch the episode of "New Girl" that Prince guest-starred on. It was magical. My sister and I began to discuss Prince in great detail. We love Prince. I would sob, and say yes to pancakes if I was in the presence of Prince.
Mr. Jenner (being a taller person than me) discovered the best thing today. There is this stone above the fireplace, and it had writing on it. He tried to do a rubbing but couldn't make it out. I had a go, and quickly saw that it was the alphabet. Complete with an & symbol at the end. He said they used to end the alphabet that way. Above the letters was a cross. It looked a bit like a pattern for embroidery work. I am not quite sure how that ended up there. I want to ask the Landlords about that. It is a wonderful discovery. It makes me think of the devil's head in, "I Capture the Castle".
The day started low, and ended all right.
I was pretty fucking grumpy.
We need a wardrobe for our room, since we don't have one. (we left ours in the states and moved into a house that had built in closet space for all of that, so a year and a half later we are starting from scratch with some of our furniture.) They can be pricey, and then there is the whole business of delivery, and I didn't want some particle board nonsense. I was making middle class noises about wanting some thing permanent while we wait. I wanted to throw a tantrum about all of it.
BUT the weather was clear enough, Mr. Jenner was available to watch over Miss Biscuit and her river of snot, and I threw on my running stuff and said, "I am fucking going out. I am not sure if I will return." I have to be dramatic sometimes.
A new running route to test out. It wasn't a great run in terms of how my body is doing but I needed to sweat and be out of breath. I had to get rid of all that anxiety and depression. I was half-listening to music, and taking in the new scenery. I ran along a road that dips down into a valley and then goes up and meets a slightly larger road. Mostly fields, sheep, streams, and the occasional house. Ancient cob houses with windows that are smaller than ours. Things to remind me that I can't bitch. More sheep, more mud, more bramble, and more running. I came home past our enormous wall, just as the rain came in.
I felt like I had a slightly clear head for the first time in weeks. I could look at everything with a bit more calm. I had a good chat with Mr. Jenner about the state of things. He is also tired of the hurry up and wait of life right now, and how we have been good sports and existing the way we do. We chose this path, but sometimes you feel like you are in some kind of waiting room. He is always so calm and measured, while I like to throw things and moan about it. He says that is okay. Someone has to do the moaning and yelling. I joked that he has to ration out strong emotions because The British were only given so many. I got enough strong feelings to power a medium sized country for a year. I cover his short-fall. It's a good relationship. We both felt a lot better. I found a wardrobe. It isn't particle board. It is something definite in our lives. And it was on sale and it could be delivered. Then the damn thing wasn't available. So I found something else and it is even better and slightly cheaper. On the 14th it will arrive. Happy Valentine's Day baby. I told him, "This can count as a gift because it will provide great joy and comfort to the bedroom." In that I won't be digging through all of the clothes in suitcases like a crazy person every morning.
I gave up on the laundry as it was going to storm all afternoon and evening. So into the dryer it went. Miss Biscuit is improving but she isn't quite there. But we had fun. The Nan of one of Senor Onion's schoolmates offered me a bunch of clothes and fancy-dress outfits for Miss Biscuit. Her Granddaughter is built a lot like Miss Biscuit and I thought it was really sweet that she thought of her. Now Miss Biscuit has another pirate costume, a bat girl costume, a Jasmine costume, and a few other swish things. Plus a bunch of leggings, trousers, and skirts. You can never have too many of those. AND a pair of Hello Kitty boots. Miss Biscuit wore those boots all over the house today. They are fluffy. "THESE are the best thing ever." she said to me.
I put away a load of books. Something is coming together. Mr. Jenner's workshop is beginning to take shape, he has an office, our INTERNET started working tonight (a day early!) and THEN? I got to watch the episode of "New Girl" that Prince guest-starred on. It was magical. My sister and I began to discuss Prince in great detail. We love Prince. I would sob, and say yes to pancakes if I was in the presence of Prince.
Mr. Jenner (being a taller person than me) discovered the best thing today. There is this stone above the fireplace, and it had writing on it. He tried to do a rubbing but couldn't make it out. I had a go, and quickly saw that it was the alphabet. Complete with an & symbol at the end. He said they used to end the alphabet that way. Above the letters was a cross. It looked a bit like a pattern for embroidery work. I am not quite sure how that ended up there. I want to ask the Landlords about that. It is a wonderful discovery. It makes me think of the devil's head in, "I Capture the Castle".
The day started low, and ended all right.
