Cling to the tiny good things. Every fucking day.

I am battling this mid-level anxiety that won't fucking go away. No matter how much I try and shift my mind-set. It is kind of embarrassing, and it leaves me kind of stuck. Most tasks seem impossible. I cling to the little things.
Yesterday I learned to use a sewing machine, and I made a freaking lined bag, and a little make-up bag with a zip. Yes, I learned how to put in a zip. And I felt really proud for about five minutes. Then a drop in calm. Again.
Today I felt okay/safe when I was running. I was able to out-run that sense of impending doom. And then near the end my knee was acting up again. And I had to limp home. And there was that rise of anxiety again.
I am trying to do all the things I can to make it stop.
I emailed my driving instructor about booking my driving test. Even if I fail, at least I will have tried. And I will try again.
I need to finish writing a piece. And I know what I need to do. But I feel like I have to sneak up on it.
I have to sneak up on everything.
At the heart of things, I feel like such a fucking disappointment to the world at large. And I want to stop feeling all of this. That tiny rational part of me knows it is a lie. But it sure feels real right now. Very very real.